A MUM has decided to start ‘celebrating’ her baby’s frustrating milestones which she’s aptly named the Poop Touch, the Pincher and the Banshee.
Learning to walk and talk are some of the most memorable milestones all kids go through, but one mum has invented names for some of the lesser known ones.
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She decided to ‘celebrate’ each time her baby accomplished something new – even if it involved screaming, crying and a big clean up job.
The mum shared her hilarious list on Reddit, and fellow parents are sympathising with it, and have offered up some of their own suggestions.
She said: “I’ve decided to start celebrating the frustrating baby milestones….
“The ones that maybe I’ll enjoy more if I consider cause for celebration instead of causes to curse under my breath.”
Frustrating milestones
- The Poop Touch
- The Banshee
- The Almost tooth
- The Pincher
- The Quasimodo shuffle
- The Not-My-Mum Meltdown
Among her milestones is the ‘pincher’, which she defined as: “This is when one discovers the power of one’s hands to inflict pain on mommy while breastfeeding.”
The ‘banshee’, like the name suggests, is all to do with shrieking.
The mum explained it as: “This is when one throws one’s voice as loudly as possible in a shriek for no apparent reason.
“Best done when mommy isn’t looking to maximize her startle
reflex.”
‘The poop touch’ is one all parents are unfortunately familiar with.
She said: “This is the epic battle to see if one’s small hands can touch one’s poop as soon as the diaper opens before mommy can get to it with a wipe.
“Requires ridiculous speed and is best accompanied byattempts to roll away during the diaper change and yelps of protest when pinned down.”
The ‘Quasimodo shuffle’ takes on many forms depending on the child, but refers to that awkward stage between crawling and walking.
The mum said: “It’s when one moves one’s body in a a very odd way with surprising speed to reach objects.
“Must reach maximum velocity while mommy is attempting to quickly pee before one reaches unsafe objects to attempt to eat.”
I’ve decided to start celebrating the frustrating baby milestones
Mum
The ‘almost tooth’ is another one mums know all too well: teething.
But she made clear that this wasn’t the genuine milestone of getting your first tooth, rather it was the weeks and months leading up to it.
She said: “The random days of mouth pain that don’t bare any fruit. Can last for months.
“Best accompanied by protests when fed solids, sleepless nights, and gumming mommy enough to make her shudder at the thought of actual teeth coming through.”
Lastly the ‘non-my-mum’ meltdown is when your child suddenly notices you’re not the one holding them, as they usually clock you from across the room.
She explained it’s usually triggered “when one hears mommy’s
voice or she accidentally makes eye contact during a social gathering”.
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Her hilarious post has racked up dozens of comments from exasperated parents, as they sympathised with these ‘milestones’, and suggested others.
One mum said: “Can confirm. I have a 3 year old.”
This parent suggested: “I’m celebrating the ‘I can get out of my crib and now the world is my oyster’ stage.”
A third posted: “I enjoy the Banshee. So crazy it always makes me laugh.”
And another commented: “The ‘What’s in your mouth?!’ 10 yard dash. Be prepared for record setting speeds.”
This mum added: “The ‘I can pull my pacifier out but not put it back in’ phase. Ugh.”
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