Changing nappies can be incredibly frustrating, full of false starts and often involves a fair amount of mess.
One mum has shared how she uses it as a time to teach her child about consent – and her video went viral.
Chicago resident Alissa, who posts on TikTok at @once.upon.a.mama, shared a number of things she does while changing her son’s nappy.
In the video, she explained how she tries to make her son feel “part of the process,” during the changes.
At each step, Alissa tells her son what she’s doing and checks he’s happy before continuing.
“The goal is to make him feel involved and not like a passive observer having his body manipulated,” she explained in the caption.
(Image: TikTok/@once.upon.a.mama)
“Okay, I’m taking your pants off, ok?” the 32-year-old tells her son before removing his trousers, and explaining that she’s “taking off his diaper”.
In the video, she said: “Young toddlers and babies cannot consent to diaper change but they must be done as it’s a necessary care task.
“So I interact with my son as I change him and explain what I’m doing as I do it, so he at least feels part of the process,” she said, adding that her son will mimic her sound in response.
(Image: TikTok/@once.upon.a.mama)
“The goal is to make him feel more involved and not like a passive observer having his body manipulated,” Alissa continued.
“I want him to be building this foundation for his body autonomy and consensual interactions later in his life.”
After changing him, the mum thanks her gurgling tot and tells him he’s done a “good job”.
Her video has been viewed more than 110,000 times and racked up hundreds of comments – with many appreciative parents sharing their thanks.
One wrote: “I feel like smaller things like this are often overlooked but are so vital to a child’s future consent/boundaries. Thank you for teaching these things.”
“First I thought this was weird, then I remembered I do the same thing with my elderly residents (with less baby talk) so they don’t feel uncomfortable,” another admitted.
One mum joked: “I’ve been doing this with my now one-year-old because I liked to talk and he was the only one around during the day.”
Alissa’s method
1. Explain what you’re doing as you do it
2. Interact with them through conversation, songs, questions
3. If they object or fight:
a) Explain why you must change them ( they have a rash etc) and it’s a must-do care task. Do the task.
b) Offer them a structured choice: “Would you like to change now or in two minutes?” They feel empowered over their body and the must-do task gets done.
