Two years after having her first child, one mum is seriously questioning whether she really does want a second.
In a scenario which will ring true for many women, the unnamed mum revealed on Mumsnet that it’s only now that she feels she’s got her “life back” that she’s wondering whether she wants another baby .
However, after sharing her feelings online, she has been urged to be more honest with her husband, whom she’s been accused of “leading down the garden path”.
Describing him and their relationship, she begins: “He’s a massively hands-on dad, does more childcare than me.
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“I’m by nature very lazy and he lets me get away with it (to an extent). He does all the cleaning, food shopping & cooking when he’s home.”
With her husband working shifts, their schedules aren’t always aligned, and she adds: “I think a large part of our relationship issues are caused by not spending any quality time together.
“I spend a LOT of evenings on my own, probably 5/7. Three out of four weekends I’m solo parenting.
“We have been out on our own in the evening just once in the past 2 years, we’ve sort of lost touch with the couple we were pre [baby] I think [sic].”
Work has provided a sort of respite for her, and she explains: “I really enjoy going to work (although my current job isn’t that great) mainly for the social side of it, and if I’m honest male attention.
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“It’s kind of reminded me I’ve still ‘got it’.”
But her husband wants another baby. Citing the fact they seldom have sex and his premature ejaculation as additional wedges between them, she’s now not sure.
However, after recently having unprotected sex while she was ovulating, she “panicked” and bought the morning after pill without telling him as he “wouldn’t understand. He thinks we’re trying for a baby.
“I had three early miscarriages last year which I think is also impacting my broodiness of lack of it. And I really like wine. I think I’ve become too selfish and we’ve forgotten how to be a couple.”
After reading her dilemma, other women agreed she didn’t sound as if she was in the best place to have another baby.
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One wrote: “You made a wise decision there. So many people I know IRL whose marriages are in trouble, yet they think it’s a great idea to have a second child.”
Another agreed, adding: “I think getting the morning after pill was a very good decision. Your marriage is in a lot of trouble and throwing a new baby into the mix is not a good idea. You are in no way selfish for not wanting another child.”
That said, she was also advised that she wasn’t being entirely fair to her husband.
“I don’t think anyone could judge you for taking the MAP, but you don’t sound very happy in your marriage, and I think you owe it to your husband to discuss this with him,” read another response.
More harsh feedback went: “You are not being fair to your DH at all. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about not TTC and about your future relationship.
“By your own admission you are lazy. By your own admission you are enjoying male attention at work. It is not selfish to not want another child, but it is selfish to keep him believing that it might happen.”
For the most part, the mum seemed to be taking all the suggestions on board, and said she had “lots to think about.”
