Four years ago, without a word of warning, Wendy’s estranged husband stopped paying his share of the mortgage, leaving the mother of one to pay the full £1,100 a month.
Despite this, Wendy*, 46, was still at the mercy of her abusive ex, who prevented the sale of the property and refused to sign the papers when she negotiated a new mortgage rate.
“A court order said the house must be sold, but until I sold, I had to pay for everything,” says Wendy, who was divorced in 2017. “But when I needed to apply for a new mortgage rate during the process, he refused to put his signature down until I paid for all fees upfront. Both our names were on the mortgage and we needed both signatures, but it’s maddening that I was solely responsible for meeting all the expenses. What financial right was there for me and my daughter? It’s total nonsense.”
He eventually signed and the house was sold in July this year but, says Wendy: “I lost 5kg in a month through this. I’ve had to pay for the mortgage and everything for the house, then when it was sold he got 50%. I’m in a lucky position as I could afford to pay the mortgage by myself, but there’s thousands of women out there who can’t.”
According to the domestic abuse charity Refuge, one in five people in the UK have experienced economic abuse in an intimate relationship. This can range from their partner racking up debt in their name to controlling their money.
Adina Claire of the charity Women’s Aid says: “Perpetrators use tactics to control and isolate their victim, forcing them into a state of dependency. This makes it harder for survivors to leave their abusers and rebuild their lives.”
Some homeowners in abusive relationships can find themselves trapped with mortgages they cannot escape due to their ex-partners wanting to continue to control them.
Nicola Sharp-Jeffs, the director of the charity Surviving Economic Abuse, says: “A lot of survivors come to us after they have left their partner and they’re paying the mortgage themselves.
“Often, because it’s a joint mortgage, when the rate is up for renewal, they have to get their ex-partner to agree terms, and they are usually controlling the victim by refusing to agree. For example, if they’re on a variable mortgage, payments go up and they struggle to make the payments. It can lead to arrears and repossession. It’s an odd state of affairs where the system is allowing that control to be executed by the perpetrator.”
Claire Throssell, 47, who lives in South Yorkshire, was left with a £50,000 mortgage bill after her estranged husband, Darren Sykes, deliberately set fire to her house in October 2014, killing their two sons, Jack and Paul. Sykes also died in the fire.
She says: “Unbeknown to all of us, he cancelled the house insurance in June, and in October, two weeks after we separated, he started 14 fires in the house and barricaded our sons in. He also sent a letter to the bank saying he would kill himself, and that I would be responsible for the £50,000 mortgage because he was dead. It was incredible that the bank received it and did nothing about it.”
The bank, HSBC, insisted the £50,000 needed to be paid, she says: “The house was completely destroyed and worth nothing. I had to keep going to the bank every few months and show pictures [of her destroyed home]. If it hadn’t been for the community who rebuilt the house with their own materials and their own time, then I wouldn’t be there. There’s no way I could have paid that back.” She sold the property in 2016 and managed to buy a flat and start again.
Throssell, an ambassador for Women’s Aid,describes the bank’s actions as “unbelievable”. She adds: “The fact they kept getting in touch [with me]. I did say to them that it was as if they didn’t trust me. I took in pictures of the house and they were gobsmacked. It was stress I didn’t need. They could have been more compassionate. I didn’t need the pressure.”
Fortunately, there have been moves to help those experiencing economic abuse. In January, the government published a draft domestic abuse bill, that would include economic abuse for the first time. The bill was included in the legislative programme set out in the Queen’s speech on Monday.
In October last year, financial organisations and banks including HSBC and Halifax committed to implementing a voluntary code to help survivors of financial abuse. The code includes training staff and noticing when someone makes unusual or large withdrawals of cash accompanied by their partner.
A HSBC spokeswoman said: “Ms Throssell’s story is truly heartbreaking … We were notified the tragic incident had taken place by Ms Throssell’s solicitors and remained in regular correspondence with them regarding the customer’s mortgage with us, waiving all interest and commitments on the mortgage until the property was sold. We have trained all branch staff on how to spot the signs of abuse, and have dedicated procedures in place to help customers regain control of their finances.”
Claire says that too frequently, survivors are left destitute as a result of their perpetrator’s behaviour. “It’s essential that these cases are properly investigated and that survivors are not left to pay off huge mortgages and other debts as a consequence of their partner’s abusive behaviour,” she says.
Isabelle*, 52, who lives in Swansea, met her husband while on holiday in Cuba in 2006 and says she was coerced into marriage after six months. “I was afraid to say no,” she says. The domestic abuse soon increased. They were together for four years until she left him. Unable to buy a house on her own, a year later she says she “naively” asked him to help her get a mortgage by signing his name to the contract. “I was moving in on my own, buying it, and I paid all the deposit.” But she soon discovered she wouldn’t be living there alone. “He said ‘I’m coming and moving in, you can’t stop me’. If I’m honest, I tried to give it a go, but he assaulted me in 2012, and that led to a conviction for GBH.”
They continued to have an on-off relationship but, when she tried to sell the house, he would not let her. “I can’t sell the property as he won’t let me. I pay for everything and should be allowed to sell, but I’m not allowed.”
Her ex-partner refused to sign for a new, and lower, mortgage rate when it was due for renewal. “He told me he was going to ruin me,” says Isabelle, a healthcare worker. “I asked Santander to intervene, but they said they could not help me.” The rate was set to increase from 2.99% to 4.9%, forcing her to pay out an extra £180 a month.
Santander sent a letter to her husband asking him to sign the paperwork, but he didn’t respond. After much persistence, five months later, eventually Santander intervened and provided a fixed rate for two years. “If someone has got a joint mortgage and only one person is paying, why should they need a second signature? He controls what I pay – it’s another form of control.”
While Wendy’s ex no longer controls her biggest outgoing, she wants financial institutions to have a clearer understanding of what financial abuse is, and be more sympathetic. “If the other person is meeting the financial obligations, they should step in,” she says. “You can’t have one paying for everything and then need the signature of the other half who is not contributing.”* Some names have been changed
