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Mixed Up: ‘I was adopted by two black parents – they made me who I am today’


Mixed Up is a weekly series exploring the highs, lows and untold narratives that make up the mixed-race experience.

The UK’s fastest-growing ethnic group have incredibly varied stories to tell, but there are also many commonalities that tie these stories together.

Each week we aim to elevate under-heard voices, go beyond stereotypes and get to the heart of what it means to be mixed-race in the UK today.

Annalisa Toccara is a cultural producer and marketer. She was adopted at four years old and raised in a Jamaican family. She has never met her white birth mother or biological black father.

Picture by Jerry Syder for metro.co.uk

‘I’m Welsh and Jamaican, born prematurely at 34 weeks,’ Annalisa tells Metro.co.uk.

‘My birth parents, Susan Jones and Wesley McFarlane, were unable to look after me and so I was placed in a white foster care home with the view to adopt.

‘I was then placed in a Jamaican family, who fell in love with me, and I was legally adopted by them in 1991. They have always been my parents.

‘And to this day, my foster parents still send me a birthday card and a Christmas card without fail.’

According to the adoption stats, black, mixed-race and other ethnic minority children are historically hardest to place. But Annalisa lucked out. Her relationship with her parents has been hugely affirming, their influence instilled confidence and a strong sense of identity.

‘Being adopted is special and I love meeting other adopted people,’ explains Annalisa.

‘There seems to be an instant connection – regardless of race – and an understanding on a level which I don’t feel is there when you aren’t adopted.

‘I’ve never struggled with knowing I’m adopted because, from a young age, my parents were very open about my cultural identity, where I was from and the reasons I was adopted. I’m grateful for that because I feel that has played a huge part in me becoming the woman that I am now.

‘When you are adopted you get a document from the social worker on the proposed adoption to the High Court. My name was, and in so many ways still is, Samantha Jones.

‘It was changed to Annalisa when my parents adopted me.

Little Annalisa with her mum (Picture: Annalisa Toccara)

‘At four-years-old I was confident, a leader at nursery school, creative, intelligent, loving, aware of my cultural identity, aware that I was Black, aware that I was mixed-raced. My parents created that foundation in me and I am still very much the same. I haven’t changed.

‘I believe Black – including mixed-race – children should be placed with Black parents if possible. Identity matters.

‘I have grown up identifying as both Black and mixed-race and, ever since I was placed with my parents, they have instilled in me a sense of culture and belonging.’

But the positive reinforcement Annalisa received at home wasn’t always reflected in the wider world. As a child, surviving in a largely white environment led to feelings of isolation.

‘Growing up, I was one of a handful of Black children in my school and never really felt like I fitted in. My teachers were white, my friends were white and the people that I would read in the story books at school were white,’ she says.

‘I remember being at a book fair and wanting to read a book called Mr Majeika and my Mum was like, “no, you are not reading that”, and made me buy a book by Malorie Blackman.

‘At the time I was so grumpy that she made me do that, but reading Malorie Blackman books and seeing myself represented was hugely influential.

‘Yes, I am mixed-race, but I am also Black and let’s not forget that race is a social construct created by the white man.

‘I recognise that one side of me – as a race – is steeped in colonialism and white supremacy and I also recognise that the other is the oppressed. For me, knowing my history and heritage and the story of my ancestors, is of the upmost importance and it forms my identity as a whole.’

Rooted deep in Annalisa’s philosophy is an inherent understanding of her own privilege. She knows that being positioned closer to whiteness makes some aspects of her life easier than both of her parents’ – and she tries to apply this in her professional life.

‘Society favours mixed-race people,’ she tells us.

Annalisa with her parents and adopted sister (Picture: Annalisa Toccara)

‘We see this in the beauty industry, the media, fashion, music videos etc. And because I am aware of this, I make sure that the arts and cultural social enterprise that I founded, Our Mel, centres the experiences of Black people.

‘You could scroll down our Instagram page and you will see a mix of different shades of melanin, because it’s important to me to make sure that we are all reflected and not just those of lighter skin shades, as we so often see reflected back to us in society.

‘I wish people understood that there is no right or wrong way to being mixed-race. We all have our experiences and stories which are valid and my experience of being mixed-race will vary to another person’s.

‘I understand that there is an element of privilege in being mixed-race and the proximity to whiteness, but some people don’t understand that and are still on their own journey of self-discovery and that’s OK.’

Annalisa’s experience of being raised by two black parents gives her a unique perspective on the mixed-race experience. It’s something she only really notices when she speaks to mixed-race people who were raised by their biological parents.

‘I have noticed in conversations with other mixed-race people, is that I don’t identify with the Black mixed-race experience of growing up with one Black parent and one white,’ says Annalisa.

‘I find it hard to understand sometimes on that level with other mixed-race people, and perhaps they find it hard to understand me?

‘I have never struggled with being mixed-race because I have always seen myself as Black. My parents instilled in me from a young age, that though I have white in me, my skin colour shows to the world that I am Black and therefore I am Black.

‘However, that being said, I am very conscious of also saying that I am mixed-race because I feel that if I don’t say it, then there is a part of me that is being wiped out. I don’t ever want my birth parents to feel that I am wiping them out.’

Baby Annalisa with her birth mother (Picture: Annalisa Toccara)

Annalisa feels completely connected to her Caribbean ancestry, she loves everything about it. But naturally, she still has unanswered questions about her birth parents.

‘I love my Jamaican heritage. I love our warmth and vibrancy. Our unapologetic nature.

‘I relate more to my Jamaican side because that’s all I have grown up knowing.

‘There has only been one time where I have had a pang of wanting to know my white side. I was 16 at the time and desperately wanted to find my birth parents. One day I want to trace them.

‘But the chances of me finding and meeting Susan Jones and Wesley Mcfarlane are slim because although I live in Sheffield, I was born in London and adopted in Westminster and Sheffield City Council do not offer a tracing service for those not born in the city.

‘Likewise, when I rang Westminster City Council, I was told similar. In order to trace just one parent, I would need to pay for the service and there is no guarantee even if my birth parents were found, that they would want to see me.’

Despite an understanding of her own relative privilege, Annalisa is no stranger to discrimination. She says the current political climate is bleak for minorities in the UK.

‘I was five or six when I first experienced racism, sitting outside the swimming pool and this white girl said, “ewwww why are your legs dark?”

‘Attitudes towards race aren’t improving at all. I think this current political climate is giving more voice to racists and giving them a platform.

‘I live in Sheffield; you only have to click on the comments under the Sheffield Star when an article about a non-white person is posted and read the vile racism underneath.

Baby Annalisa (Picture: Annalisa Toccara)

Annalisa wants to hear more stories from people with different experiences of life. She believes it’s crucial for people to scrutinise their own beliefs and look closer at how their voice is playing into or changing existing narratives.

‘Quite simply, our stories are valid,’ she explains.

‘In the last three years I have questioned myself a lot about being mixed-race and the part that I play in using my platform to addresses these issues, in the Black community and in the wider community.

‘For instance, I’ve met quite a few people, especially in Sheffield where it’s very multicultural, who struggle with being mixed-race and having a white family who may not necessarily understand them fully.

‘I encounter lots of conversations about this and if my social enterprise can help another mixed-race person along their journey of understanding, then I feel that we are on the right track.

‘I was once talking to a mixed-race person who said, “well you haven’t grown up with a white family, so you don’t understand” and I question myself and evaluate all the time.

‘I think I do understand to an extent. I actually wish more mixed-race people became aware of their privileges and colourism and how that’s played out in society.

‘It’s brilliant that there is a wider sphere for conversations on race currently happening because there is this reoccurring theme happening in today’s Britain with the narrative of British history being whitewashed with British triumph and rule and the history books distorting, misrepresenting and omitting the real story of Black people.

‘I welcome more stories from mixed-race people because not all our experiences are the same and we need these stories because they are our truths.’

MORE: Mixed Up: ‘For white people, having brown babies used to represent a moral taboo’

MORE: Mixed Up: ‘Being a gay person of colour took its toll on my mental health’

MORE: Mixed Up: ‘Being mixed without a white parent is even more challenging’





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