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Memo to Debenhams: don’t remind your customers they are middle aged | Barbara Ellen


My branch of Debenhams, in Wimbledon, south London, is one of 22 branches set to close next year, with more to follow, putting an estimated 1,200 jobs at risk.

How horrible, particularly for the workers. Losing our Debenhams – huge, with three floors – will leave the shopping centre looking hollowed out. Sadly, I saw it coming. Just before Christmas, I was berating myself for getting to the store so late, dreading the festive crowds. I needn’t have worried – two days before the big day and it was deserted, like a scene in a post-apocalyptic disaster movie, where 99% of humanity has perished and survivors break into shops to steal provisions. I half-expected to see a zombie lurch towards me through the rails of discount fleeces. If Debenhams were a human being, it would have been my cue to scream for the defibrillator.

While Debenhams has suffered its fair share of internal problems, the high street is dying generally, as online convenience leads to real-life closures. We all know about ghost towns – welcome, now, to ghost stores, the ones we all helped create. When a big name goes in a shopping area, smaller ones soon follow, in the manner of retail dominoes. In such cases, there are usually suggestions about opening nail bars, hair salons, cafes etc, but how many of these do people need? And how would such new ventures affect local businesses already offering these services?

Sadly, there’s another layer to this. Debenhams stores are strong in some areas (good cosmetic/perfume sections), but in others the ambience is so dated that it reminds target shoppers of the thing they want to forget – that they’re old and past it. While trendy young types wouldn’t frequent Debenhams, too often the stores have the same deadening effect on middle-aged people. People like me might belong among endless rails of elasticated-waist jeans or shelves of urine-hued homeware, but we’re nowhere near ready to accept this terrifying existential truth. After all, this is the ageing demographic that never grew up, a generation so deep in denial that many of its number are still hiring yurts for festivals.

As a consumer, this would be my advice to Debenhams, as it rationalises and – it’s to be hoped – saves the brand: it needs to acknowledge that modern middle age has completely changed – or at least that middle-aged people like to delude themselves that it has. And these are the grownups (parents, earners, carers) who buy the most for their families. These people should be going into Debenhams, not just for stuff they need (though there’s nothing wrong with a reasonably priced five-pack of pants), but also for what they desire.

The answer isn’t to make Debenhams “youthful”, but to make customers feel reasonably modern while they shop there. Good luck, Debenhams, and remember, while you might know your target demographic, they might not realise they’re middle aged.

I think that’s quite enough summits for Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un



Kim Jong-un returns to North Korea after his visit to Russia. Photograph: KCNA/Reuters

Is there no one who can stop Kim Jong-un being so sociable? There was the North Korean leader hanging out with President Putin in Vladivostok, at one point clinking champagne flutes in a manner eerily reminiscent of an Agatha Christie plot where the villains get away with it. And some of us have only just recovered from Trump’s tryst with Kim back in February, which ended on tense terms, though whether that was over non-lifting of sanctions or who hogged the remote control remains unclear.

According to the state-controlled Korean Central News Agency, which presumably cannot be faulted for its impartiality, Kim also trash-talked Trump, accusing the US of acting in “bad faith” and saying that peace on the Korean peninsula was entirely dependent on Washington. Don’t fret if this is all too confusing – just rest assured that none of it is good news. And when I say “none of it” I mean: how are you getting on building that bunker?

This Kim/Putin/Trump stuff appears to have morphed into the classic scenario where besties fall out, then one bestie tries to make the other one jealous by hanging out with a known “frenemy”, dissing the first bestie and so on. It’s a Mean Girls reboot, only this time starring narcissistic male sociopaths and with apocalypse-triggering summits replacing eye rolls in the school canteen.

It’s always Kim right in the middle though, isn’t it? If this really were a high-school horror flick, he’d be the one most likely to end up pouring pig’s blood over Carrie/Trump’s head at the prom. Putin has already accepted an invitation to North Korea, which – call me paranoid! – feels a bit like a lit match agreeing to visit a petrol-soaked rag. For the sake of global security, these meetings need to stop. Is grounding Kim becoming the least unreasonable option?

Give the talent show a rest, Simon

Simon Cowell



Time for your sabbatical, Mr Callow. Photograph: Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images

Simon Cowell says that he made a mistake focusing on overpaid star judges on The X Factor. But now he has high hopes for the forthcoming “All Star” and “Celebrity” versions, particularly the latter, saying: “In the same way that Pete Waterman made Kylie and Jason musical stars and what I did with Robson & Jerome… ” Stop right there – if Cowell is reduced to bragging about Robson & Jerome, things must be even worse than we thought.

I’m not an X Factor hater, but Cowell is confused about the judges. The far bigger mistake was not resting his brand and giving audiences the chance to miss it. Once X Factor tired, running it once every few years could have allowed stocks of “talented unknowns” to replenish, thereby creating some genuine anticipation for each new series.

Instead, Cowell flogged a dead horse so mercilessly that viewers didn’t know whether to change the channel or call the RSPCA. Even now, it’s been brought back yet again, just in two different versions. If Cowell really wants to recapture his own X factor, he needs to (literally) give it a rest.

In the meantime, if he starts fondly reminiscing about Roland Rat, someone should call the Samaritans.

Barbara Ellen is an Observer columnist



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