Manchester United v Everton: Premier League – live!

19 min James moseys over to the left in a bid to make something happen, finding Rashford, who’s shot from distance clatters a defender.

17 min Martial, who’s started livelily, runs at Keane and goes over. He wants a free-kick, but Keane got just enough on the ball.

14 min Nice from United, Fred popping it through to Martial, to plays a wall-pass off Rashford before Coleman steps in to get in his road. Good defending.

13 min “While it’s possible it’s a tactical choice from big Dunc to go for ball-carriers in midfield,’ emails Kevin Pready, “I can’t help but think it might be more influenced by Tom Davies being the only fit central midfielder in the first team squad. Gomes, Gbamin, Delph, Sigurdsson and Schneiderlin all out injured or ill as far as I can see.”

Yes, I didn’t realise Sigurdsson was ill.

11 min And there it is! McTominay puts James in a race with Digne; he burns him up, and because Pickford doesn’t come, he meepmeeps into the box only to drive wide. He might’ve checked there, because the angle was against him and no defender was anywhere near him. Meanwhile, Digne and Coleman chastise Pickford for not coming out to clear.

10 min Lindelof drives a ball from right to left, seeking Rashford. But he’s running away from goal and can’t wrap his foot around the ball, wellying a shot into the near side-netting. But Everton are playing with a higher line than I expected, and it’s going to get them into trouble if they’re not careful.

9 min “90s idiocy,” begins Dave Johnson. “My folks had a pub in Camden for many years. I went out on the wallop with a pocketful of cash, in the thousands (I hadn’t had a day off in two years), and had a moment of clarity a few days later. In Kiev. I still have the boarding passes and train ticket stubs from, among other places, Amsterdam, Berlin and Warsaw. Somewhere called Wroclaw? Keep meaning to go back to see how I spent a shedload of zlotys on a stew. Panicked when I saw the Rs were the wrong way round and I wasn’t just slumped outside the Monarch on Chalk Farm Road. Cab to station, flight home and a furious bollocking from me ma. I still have no idea how I got the visas to get in to Poland or Ukraine. But they’re there in my last passport. Ale is ace.”

Effort.

7 min Richarlison – who looks to me like he has all the raw materials to grow into a serious player – forages out on the right and knocks back to Holgate, who sweeps a shot directly into De Gea’s midriff.

6 min McTominay drives through midfield, pokes the ball away from Davies who’s already committed to the challenge, and down he goes. Davies – who i’m sure would’ve loved the 90s – is booked.

5 min “So many great things about that photo of Duncan Ferguson,” says Tommy Marlow, “not least the captain’s armband on the offending arm and the unsighted referee not two feet away. Who needs VAR. I also like the descriptions of the team formations as to their purpose, more of this.”

Imagine the horror of burglarising a house, only to discover that it belongs to Big Dunc.

4 min Holgate has moved into midfield, though Everton lined up as a five to begin with. Oooh, clever clever!

3 min United struggle to clear the resultant corner, then the second falls at the feet of Calvert-Lewin when Lingard fails to clear – he’s having a lovely birthday so far – but someone, Lindelof I think, blocks the shot.

2 min Now hear come Everton, Holgate pumping in a cross that De Gea has to flick over the top. He looks to have hurt himself stretching, but will be fine.

1 min United nearly score in the first 20 seconds! Rashford beats Coleman in the air and Martial runs the channel – do not adjust your sets, you read that right – then finds Fred, who bursts into the box, beats one man, runs through another, and the ball squirts across to Lingard, who swivels to shoot just wide.

Here come the teams! Harrance Maguire captains United, and I’d expect that to continue – I’d not be surprised if he was signed partly for that reason. Personally, I’m unconvinced. If he actually is the leader he’s meant to be – Steve Bruce with a first touch – then he ought to have done more to protect the leads United habitually cede.

“Happy to see bogeyman Sigurdsson on the bench,” emails Duncan Edwards. “Happy for Gary Naylor to keep that goal as his greatest memory of Everton v United and happy to predict that will remain the case after today. 4-2 United.”

To save Gary the bother.

Solskjaer tells Sky Everton pose a different challenge to City, and his young team are learning etcetera etcetera; he expects Everton to play a centre-back in midfield.

Ferguson confirms that Sidibe and Sigurdsson are ill, and the formation is a consequence of that – I think he might have done well in that aspect, because the 5-3-2 will make things harder for United.

What Everton need to avoid – and prepare yourselves, for this is a biggie – is not to concede early. United’s confidence, though up, remains brittle, and if they fail to score in the first half-hour, they’ll remember that they’re meant to struggle in such circumstances and also that they lack midfield inspiration. On which point, Jesse Lingard has been really good lately, and the onus will be on him to open things up.

Back to today, I imagine Ferguson has gone for ball-carriers in midfield because he wants to counter the counterers. Playing two strikers also means that the long ball is a decent option, and if Richarlison and Calvert-Lewin can hold it up, Bernard, Iwobi and the wing-backs will be in the game.

Imagine this was your boss!

I imagine United will look to outrun and outfight Everton in midfield – there’s not a lot of ballast in Bernard, Davies and Iwobi – then find space between centre-back and wing-back. The question is how effectively they can do that against a team sitting deep.

Players you’ve never seen play well: Bernard. I’m surprised he’s playing today, and I’m unsure what it is he’s meant to be good at. Feel free to correct me.

“Duncan knows what to do when the time comes,” tweets Gary Naylor.

He does.

Looking again at the teams, I wonder if Axel Tuanzebe might’ve been a smart choice for United. Lindelof started the season poorly, and though he’s been better in recent weeks, he and Maguire are too similar for my tastes. Tuanzebe is as good as Lindelof on the ball, better under the high ball, and has the recovery pace to compensate for any errors. I’d guess that Ferguson sees the centre of United’s defence as a weak point to exploit.

So, come on then: let’s have your tales of classic late-90s idiocy. I’ll start: when Hooch came out, we went to Kwik Save Kentish Town, bought a load, then went back to school for afternoon lessons. It went as well as you imagine.

Ferguson, meanwhile, changes formation and personnel. Aware of what United can do when offered space, his 5-3-2 will aim to restrict that, at the same time as keeping an attacking threat via the deployment of two strikers. Out go Sidibe, Schneiderlin, Walcott and Sigurdsson; in come Coleman, Mina, Davies and Bernard.

So United are unchanged – replace Fred or Lingard with Pogba (stop laughing at the back) and this is Solskjaer’s first team. At some point, Greenwood is going to demand inclusion – personally, I’d have picked him over Martial for last weekend. But Martial was excellent in that game, so deservedly returns. Can he maintain that level of effort and performance?

Manchester United (a 4-3-3 disguised as a 4-2-3-1): De Gea; Wan-Bissaka, Lindelof, Maguire, Shaw; McTominay, Fred, Lingard; James, Martial, Rashford. Subs: Romero, Tuanzebe, Williams, Young, Pereira, Mata, Greenwood.

Everton (a practical 5-3-2): Pickford; Coleman, Keane, Holgate, Mina, Digne; Bernard, Davies, Iwobi; Calvert-Lewin, Richarlison. Subs: Stekelenburg, Baines, Tosun, Keane, Niasse, Martina, Gordon.

Sometimes the cosmos is kind to us. Not often, but sometimes. And right now is one of those times, because frankly, who doesn’t wish we were back in the late 90s? Some of us who are dead were alive, many of us who are old were young, and all of us who are young were free of this revolting hell-hole of a planet. So slip on your v-neck and Vans, grab a Fuse and a bottle of Hooch, and come right in for Ole Gunnar Solskjær v Duncan Ferguson back up in the game!

Strangely, these men are similar in an increasingly unusual way: they are uniformly loved. Petty grudge-bearing and fickle mind-changing are part of what makes football so joyous, but both Solskjær and Ferguson sit above that, a status earned through consistent excellence, unquestioned commitment and unimpeachable integrity – whether tripping Rob

ert
Lee or ragdolling Paul Ince.

Solskjær’s life has changed significantly in the last 10 days. Though much of what ailed him was not his fault and though it was clear to see how things were improving under him, had United lost to Spurs and Manchester City, the pressure might’ve told. Instead, he stayed calm, got his players back, and out-tacticked two bona fide greats of the game. The test today is for his team to maintain that level of performance against an opponent less inclined to facilitate it.

Ferguson, meanwhile, spent last weekend inspiring Everton to beat Chelsea with a man of the match performance from the touchline. It is easy to characterise him as a simple pashun merchant – imagine coming back to a dressing room with him in it, having given less than 173.65% – but he was an intelligent player who had to think hard about his game once injury compromised his natural gifts, qualities which will help him as a manager. This is a huge chance for him, and he’ll be eager not to waste it.

All in all, we’re set for decent afternoon’s, er, Premiership. After that, I’ve not a clue, but in the meantime.

Kick-off: 2pm GMT