Although Love Island officially ended on 23 February, it was pretty much game over 10 days earlier, when Netflix launched the vastly superior car crash of a reality TV show, Love Is Blind. Over three weeks, we watch participants date, profess their love and get engaged, but with one catch – they have never set eyes on each other. The toxic TV spawn of Dating in the Dark, The Circle and Married at First Sight, it is equal parts enchanting and excruciating, oscillating between the two at breakneck speed.
Love Is Blind is fascinating for several reasons, but what particularly captivates is how in love contestants are with the idea of being in love. They are essentially strapped on to a love conveyor belt with the sole intention of coming out of it married. Watching them be so candid makes me think about how rare it is to see women comfortably say that they want a relationship in such plain terms, without apology – even in less extreme circumstances.
Recently, there has been the rise of a much-needed single positivity movement: last year, Emma Watson announced herself proudly “self-partnered”; Lizzo, meanwhile, declared that she puts the “sing in single” in her hit song Truth Hurts. Onscreen, happily ever after is being rewritten for a generation where romance ranks low on a list of priorities – shows such as Crazy Ex Girlfriend and Fleabag concluded with the female protagonists going it alone. In the upcoming live-action remake of Mulan, Disney has axed the love interest, Li Shang.
This can only be a good thing: women have been defined by their relationships – or lack of – since the dawn of time. But an earnest, unabashed want to find “the one” is increasingly characterised as cringeworthy. A friend of mine recently confided that while she was sick of the idea that marriage was something women should aspire to, she was also sick of being told she shouldn’t waste her time yearning for a partner because she has a great job and Valentine’s Day is only a capitalist scam. Her want of a relationship almost felt embarrassing – she began to feel as if she was failing by not being satisfied with solely “dating herself”. It is increasingly unfashionable to wear your heart on your sleeve.
“Single” is fine, but becomes a dirty word when “and looking” is affixed. Women are rarely permitted to express romantic wants. Smart women are supposed to consider themselves above them – it is deemed at best desperate, at worst unfeminist. As Ru Paul has said many a time: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?” But self-love and romantic love aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive – and women who are open about their romantic aspirations shouldn’t need to be coy.
