FOR me, sunshine holidays mean bottles of rosè in the afternoon, endless breakfast buffets . . . and genuine bewilderment after putting on half a stone in a week.
This time, something had to give . . . besides the waistband on my bikini
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At Lanzarote’s Club La Santa, I was told, guests leave looking fitter and healthier than ever. So I wanted in.
Lanzarote gets a rough time of it. Though the least spoilt of the Canary Islands, the country’s struggled to shake off the “Lanza-grotty” tag bestowed on it by Michael Palin.
It boasts an untouched volcanic landscape and beautiful blue seas. Besides one very grim Irish pub we stumbled upon, there was nothing grotty about Lanzarote.
Given my best friend and I were staying at La Santa, we weren’t likely to explore much.
Billed as the world’s top sports holiday, there are 80 free activities on offer. As well as three restaurants — including that buffet — it has a supermarket, hairdresser, spa, two sportswear shops and two bars.
The only thing missing, said my friend Ro, is “a pool-side waiter to deliver a bucket of bubbly”. Never have I seen so many people wandering around in garish Lycra.
And while being sporty isn’t compulsory, it helps. Upon arrival, we are advised to download the in-house app timetabling the activities on offer each day.
From 8am until 8pm, there is a host of things to get on with. Ballroom dancing? Tick. Trampolining? Tick. Paddleboarding? Tick. Aerial yoga? You got it.
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Given the gusto with which I can demolish a buffet, that was a good job, too. We started most mornings with a leisurely trot around the central athletics track before attacking the pancakes, eggs and pastries.
A couple of hours sunbathing by the pool was followed by a 30-minute “power abs” class and Pilates.
To save money, we picked up fresh supermarket bits each day to eat in our two-bedroom, two-bathroom villa overlooking the lagoon.
While Ro enjoyed the dance classes — Zumba in particular — I got stuck into spinning and CrossFit as the sun went down.
Crashing waves
CrossFit is a hardcore mix of weightlifting, cardio and gymnastics.
It soon became an obsession and left me aching in the most unusual places.
The new outdoor station made training to the point of exhaustion almost fun.
It is headed up by Glen McClure, a ripped Scottish beast of a man.
CrossFit soon builds camaraderie, as well as your biceps, and the group nature of classes means it is easy to make friends.
It also means you can easily come here solo. The teaching is top-notch.
Every instructor teaches in English, despite a largely Scandinavian clientele.
They all knew their stuff and how to make it fun.
When we finally ventured beyond the complex, we spent the day drinking cocktails beach-side. Puerto del Carmen is a 30-minute drive away is and one of the most popular spots in the island.
A huge strip lines the beach, offering shops, bars, restaurants and clubs. With our combined age of 78, we gave the clubs a miss.
But we found Ola, an idyllic beachside restaurant, for lunch — squid-ink risotto for me, paella for Ro — looking out over the crashing waves.
It boasted an al fresco bar next door with a DJ.
We found ourselves merrily swaying along to Bob Marley remixes while nailing the rose. Life doesn’t get much better.
By 10pm we had ran out of steam and wobbled back to our respective beds . . . sadly missing out on the weekly in-house disco.
By the end of the week, we were knackered . . . in a brilliant way.
Though I apparently polished off “enough to feed a family of four” at breakfast, I still lost 4lb — a rarity on any holiday.
Go: Lanzarote
Getting there: Flights from London Gatwick to Lanzarote are from £53.99pp one way. See thomascookairlines.com.
Staying there: Seven nights’ self-catering at Club La Santa is from £196pp based on three adults and one child sharing a ‘comfort’ one bedroom apartment.
More info: See clublasanta.co.uk or call 0161 790 9890.
