During an interview on The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett podcast, Jessie J described the “intense sadness and grief” she experienced in the aftermath of the miscarriage, adding that she saw multiple doctors in order to confirm the sad news.
The singer explained that she’s still processing her loss, saying, “I knew that the reason it happened was because I wasn’t supposed to do it alone… I’m supposed to find someone that wants this as much as I do,” she said “I’m grateful that I got to experience being pregnant… It’s opened the door for me to love myself deeper.”
She continued, “I’m still processing the whole thing. I have moments of intense sadness and grief, but I also have moments of excitement knowing that I won’t do it alone.”
Jessie also reflected on the miscarriage itself, saying “I still had very intense nausea, [but] I just knew something wasn’t the same.” After going to a doctor for a scan, Jessie knew she was going to hear some bad news, explaining that there was “that dreadful silence when you first have a scan and they kind of don’t say anything.
“I was like, ‘Just tell me the truth. What’s going on?’” Jessie continued. “She said, ‘Your baby’s heartbeat is very low and there’s this ring, [which]… often means the baby will have some type of disability or deformity.”
After seeing another doctor for a second opinion, Jessie was told, “‘I’m really sorry there’s no heartbeat.’”
Jessie then explained that she didn’t have time to properly process the news, and instead prepared for her concert in LA:
“I remember just going [home] and not processing it. And then the next day I went straight into glam, I did the soundcheck… I did the show,” she said.
“When I got in the car after the show by myself, and I got home, and I opened my front door, and I closed the door, I fell to my knees,” she said. “That was the worst moment of the whole experience, me realising that, other than my career, being a mother and having a child has been the biggest excitement of my life.”
“I’ve always been super maternal. I love children…I felt like I’d been given everything I’d ever wanted and then someone had gone, ‘But you can’t have it’.” she said. “When I got home that night and I lay there, I’ve never felt so lonely in my life… I just remember laying there, knowing it was still there, but it wasn’t there. That went on for over a week.”
Explaining her decision to have a baby on her own, Jessie said, “It’s all I’ve ever wanted and life is short […] To get pregnant was a miracle in itself and an experience I will never forget and I know I will have again.
Jessie J shared a preview of the interview on her Instagram, writing, “The most honest, raw, emotional, candid, vulnerable conversation I have ever had publicly. Thank you @steven for giving me the opportunity to just simply talk my truth with space and time.”
Our thoughts are with Jessie at this sad time.
If you are experiencing grief after a miscarriage, there is support available at Miscarriage Association and on the NHS website. If you are concerned about your pregnancy, it’s always recommended to book an appointment with your GP or – in an emergency – call 999.