Dear Coleen
I’m a 22-year-old girl and my dad, who’s 48, has been dating someone who’s the same age as I am.
He’s young at heart and he looks it too, but I still find the whole situation weird and uncomfortable, and it’s made me think of him differently.
My parents divorced three years ago and I accept that they both want to see other people and make new lives, but it’s just the age thing that bothers me.
For example, my mum has also been seeing someone, but he’s a similar age to her and it just seems right.
My dad’s girlfriend moved in with him during lockdown so they could isolate together, and now that I’m able to go over and see my dad and stay overnight with him, their relationship is right in my face.
I told my mum that I couldn’t stay with him any more because it’s freaking me out.
She seems to think I shouldn’t worry about it too much because the relationship is unlikely to last.
She also says my dad is making a prat of himself and looks like he’s having a midlife crisis.
What should I do about how I feel – should I speak to my dad? But I guess what he does in his personal life is none of my business really and I doubt he’ll dump her on my say-so.
I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
If staying over at your dad’s is making you uncomfortable, then take a break from it. And, if you do that, it’s an opportunity to explain to your dad how you feel about the age gap.
I think honesty is the best policy, otherwise your feelings will come out in other ways – you’ll be moody or angry with your dad or his girlfriend, which will cause a bad atmosphere and damage your relationship with your him.
Just explain that you feel a bit uncomfortable because his girlfriend is your age and you don’t really know how to deal with the situation.
But also be clear that you’re not upset he’s dating again and you want him to be happy – you’re just struggling with the fact his girlfriend could have been in your class at school or one of your mates.
I understand that and I’m sure your dad is very aware of it too, and that you might have a problem with it.
Twenty-six years is a huge age gap, so maybe your mum is right – it might not last.
They might date for a while, but find out further down the line that the big difference in their ages mean they want very different things out of life.
If your dad hasn’t dated properly since the divorce, this relationship might just be a bridge to something else that’s better for him and has the potential to last.
