‘I’m a queer girl, married to a dude, and we’re ethically non-monogamous’ – so reads my opening line on pretty much every dating app I’ve ever had a profile on.
It’s a testament to two things: How few apps provide the profile options for this kind of sexual identity and relationship status, and how important I think it is that potential suitors know about it.
Today Tinder announced the introduction of an ‘orientation’ feature which allows users to select up to three sexual orientation labels that they most identify with. The OG of dating apps clearly hopes to entice more queer users to its platform.
But is it just another Pride Month stunt? Or a genuine step forward for inclusivity? To me, it’s a bit of both.
Of course, it’s no accident that Tinder has decided to launch this new feature in June, the month which commemorates the anniversary of the Stonewall riots with LGBTQ+ marches, events, protests and celebrations.
At the same time it’s hard to argue that facilitating better expression of sexuality and orientation on a dating app is not a positive thing for LGBTQ folks. At any rate, it’s a damn sight more useful than a Pride sandwich.
When hook-up apps first took off in the late 00s the gamification of dating was enough of a novelty to lure us in.
Early apps such as Tinder tended to be characterised by their simplicity but as they’ve integrated into our digital lives we have begun to demand more of them, including better ways to express ourselves.
Tinder is actually pretty late to this party.
Lesbian dating app Her already includes a wide range of gender, orientation and relationship model options, while the premium version allows you to filter by these same terms. Gay men’s app Chappy allows you to browse depending on whether you for looking for ‘tonight’ or for ‘dates’.
Feeld lets you choose from a plethora of gender identities and sexual orientations before listing the exact kinks and sexual activities you’re interested in pursuing.
Most notably on OKCupid, which started as a traditional dating website but now has an app, users are able to opt out of seeing or being seen by straight people, something which I and many of my bi and pansexual friends have utilised at one time or another. Let’s just say that having to give every match a crash course in ‘queer studies’ before you’ve even scheduled a drink gets a little tedious.
For me most conversations begin with me asking ‘did you read the part where I said I’m bi and non-monogamous?’
All of this points to the fact that people want a more nuanced experience. Indeed, 31 per cent of the LGBTQ+ UK residents that Tinder surveyed said that apps and platforms open to all sexual orientations worked better for them.
We all want to feel seen and valued on some level, whether in casual hook-ups or romantic partnerships, so it seems poignant that a dating app would not wish to pave the way to that.
However, dating is not just a tick-box exercise and menu options are not a replacement for good communication. Needs, desires and boundaries are all things that are good to flag but better to discuss.
For me most conversations begin with me asking ‘did you read the part where I said I’m bi and non-monogamous?’ (regardless of whether the app has allowed me to explicitly state it), so while Tinder’s new feature might make that chat a little easier, it doesn’t – and shouldn’t – negate the need for it altogether.
Still, if this is a sign that we’re moving away from the belief that to give some care and consideration to sex and dating is to ‘overcomplicate’ things, then I’ll take it as a win.
Wherever you are on the Kinsey Scale – a research method used to describe someone’s sexual orientation – dating is not a binary exercise involving only yes or no, men or women, swipe left or right.
While the user experience of a dating or hook-up app should definitely be fun, we shouldn’t need to reduce ourselves in order to have a good time.
Sexuality is nuanced and I’m glad Tinder has recognised that. Who knows, maybe I’ll even download it again.
MORE: Tinder’s new Orientation feature lets people select multiple sexual identities
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