Dear Coleen
I’m a married woman aged 44 and have two children aged 10 and 13.
I’ve recently discovered I’m pregnant again, which came as a huge shock. Admittedly, my husband and I haven’t been using contraception because I thought I was beyond getting pregnant because of my age, plus it took us quite a while to conceive both our children.
We have a good, solid marriage, but my husband isn’t happy about this pregnancy, which surprised me. He’s usually a glass half-full kind of guy and takes most things on in a positive way.
But when I told him the news, he just put his head in his hands and said, “God, this is all we need”, which totally took the wind out of my sails.
I hate that he’s unhappy about this. I understand he’s worried, given the current financial uncertainty and all the other stress we’re dealing with thanks to Covid, but I think he’s being somewhat dramatic.
I see this as a positive thing at a horrible time, and it’ll give us something else to focus on as a family. How can I help him to feel better about it?
Coleen says
Look, I’m fairly certain a lot of people would react in the same way to an unplanned pregnancy right now: “How are we going to deal with this, as well as everything else?” I think it’s a scary time for anything major to happen in your life.
I moved into my new house just as we went into lockdown and took on a huge mortgage which meant I struggled to enjoy it for the first few weeks as I constantly worried I’d have to sell it! The situation induces panic in us all.
It sounds as if your husband is thinking of the financial responsibility and maybe also the fact he’s working from home at the moment.
But, it’s worth reminding him that you didn’t make yourself pregnant! I guess you just have to talk about it calmly – ask him what his worries are, listen to them and then discuss how you could work round them.
The good thing is, your kids are a bit older and more independent.
I know his reaction isn’t what you were hoping for and you can tell him it upset you, but accept that he has concerns and also allow him some time to get used to the idea.
And once you’ve had your baby, make sure to talk to your doctor about your contraception plan!
