Monday
I work in a domestic abuse team for an LGBT charity. I never really know what to expect when I come in to work: whether it’s offering talking therapy or providing substance abuse services, no one day is the same.
The first person arrives and I do an assessment with questions on past sexual abuse, injuries and criminal records, so I can determine how to help. The questions are looking at the current risk to the person from the alleged perpetrator and cover all forms of abuse, such as physical, emotional, financial, and controlling and coercive behaviours.
The way people contact us varies; some are referred by GPs, others by mental health charities. The most serious cases tend to come to our drop-in services, as a final call for help.
Tuesday
Today I meet Daniel. He initially came to the charity as a survivor of domestic abuse. His confidence was low and he had severe trust issues. In our sessions we discuss the meaning of love and relationships. I try to understand what these concepts mean to Daniel; the idea of becoming close to someone, either emotionally or sexually, terrifies him. Having been so vulnerable in the past, Daniel has constructed many barriers. Together, we attempt to break them down.
In one of our sessions, it emerges that Daniel witnessed domestic abuse at home while growing up. Many studies suggest that experiencing this trauma will have a lasting impact on the child’s future relationships.
While helping survivors is an essential part of the charity, domestic abuse prevention is even more important. Daniel and I work together on a series of exercises such as consent workshops and anger management activities. These ensure people will not be at risk of committing domestic violence because of their past.
Wednesday
Lucy, a trans woman, escaped an abusive relationship but was denied access to a women’s refuge because she was seen as a threat to other women.
In greater Manchester, there is only one refuge which has accepted a trans female. Many refuges will not accept trans women or male victims of domestic abuse.
For many like Lucy, staying with family is not an option – individuals can become estranged as a result of their sexual or gender identity. Staying in a hostel or B&B can also be problematic due to the homophobic and transphobic abuse people receive. Some past clients have had things thrown at them, while others have experienced hate crimes and been physically attacked.
I see someone in the afternoon who has been deliberately infected with HIV by his partner. He was forced to have unprotected sex by his abuser, who stopped him from visiting a sexual health clinic. Now his health is in an extremely fragile state.
Thursday
In the middle of a drop-in appointment, my client who has experienced domestic abuse tells me they want to kill themselves.
I call a colleague in while I ring an ambulance. I’ve noticed over the past few years that the number of people turning to us for crisis support is increasing, as is the level of service users with complex needs.
Friday
I meet Billie, a client who is going to testify in court. The process is emotionally taxing. To make it slightly easier, we provide counselling services and special support. For Billie, this includes a pre-trial visit to the court so it’s less intimidating on the day.
Despite our efforts, many victims drop out before the trial. Recently, the person I was helping dropped charges because of threats and harassment from their partner’s family before the hearing.
You learn not to let this job affect you. Once people arrive at our charity I tend not to worry, because I know we can help them. What keeps me up at night is knowing that so many individuals are trapped in abusive relationships, unable to seek help.
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In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
If you would like to contribute to our My working week series about your job in public services, get in touch by emailing sarah.johnson@theguardian.com
