Vicky Harrison had written her suicide note and hidden it away in a drawer at home.
She knew she was ready to end it all after 30 years of mental torment cause by an abusive childhood that had sent her spiralling into a vicious circle of self-harm and alcohol abuse.
But a chance meeting with a stranger at a football match saved her life.
Vicky, who weighed 25 stone, was at Goodison Park to watch her beloved Everton when a volunteer from the club’s Girls on Side mental health programme spotted the tell-tale criss-cross of self-harm scars on her arms and started to chat to her.
It was that brief conversation that gave Vicky the push she needed to give life one last chance.
Now, two years on Blues fan Vicky has shed 11 stone, ditched the booze, stopped self-harming and is now happy and healthy and training to be a personal trainer.
Vicky, 44, explains: “I used to get out of breath walking to the door to pick up my pizza delivery – now I am about to do a 12K Total Warrior race. It’s about embracing change and not being afraid of it.
“Honestly, I had a suicide note I had written at home, that was going to be used in a couple of weeks time.
“It was, do I give this a go with Everton? It is the power of the football badge – whether it be the Liver birds or a little tower, there is the power of the football club badge in this city. I knew I had nothing to lose.
“When you walk into Girls on Side, you can kick your shoes off, relax, you are going to see closest friends and family.
“It doesn’t matter that you have been sectioned, there are self-harm scars on you, that you have abused alcohol, it is all about support, encouragement and finding a positive focus.
“You feel totally and utterly loved and supported in a way that I have never come across anywhere else.”
Vicky’s problems began in childhood when she suffered abuse.
She started self-harming at the age of 13, cutting herself, taking overdoses and even squirting bleach into the back of her throat.
“It sounds crazy to people,” she explains.
“But if you inflict that physical pain on yourself those memories, those thoughts, those fears, they go away, however temporarily.
“That in itself is some form of relief, it is not a sustainable form of relief, but at that point it is a form of relief.
“It is the most scary and lonely place to be when you have to do potentially life-threatening things on a daily basis to get through everyday life.”
Then when she left home to go to university she started abusing alcohol in a bid to block out her nightmares and create an air of confidence that deep down inside she didn’t feel she had when she was sober.
She could easily down 20 cans of beer a day, or a full bottle of gym, and gorged on takeaways when she didn’t want to leave the house.
She says: “With the alcohol it is convincing others that you are happy and confident.
“I was confident enough to enter a who could eat the hottest curry contest and look like I was having a great time, but underneath the long sleeves there were 25 stitches.”
Vicky’s weight ballooned to 25 stone, and her arms were a road map of scars from self-harming. She really believed she had no future until she walked into the Girls on Side project.
The scheme works with the NHS, offering not only mental health support, but also gym sessions, sport and nutrition workshops.
Vicky threw herself in the gym sessions and ditched the takeaways in favour of porridge, fresh fish, lentils, pulses and fresh veg.
(Image: Anthony McArdle)
In just under two years she has shed 11 stone, and now with the help of Girls on Side she is training to become a personal trainer.
She says: “I soon started to feel fitter and I actually started to enjoy it.
“Once I built my confidence I joined my local gym in Southport. Now I want to see what I can achieve.
“I think it is all linked, if you feel good physically you will feel better mentally.”
Johnny Garside who runs Girls on Side says Vicky is a huge inspiration to other women and girls starting the scheme.
He says: “Vicky is in inspiration, not just from a female empowerment point of view, but from tackling her issues with alcohol, self-esteem and weight.
“She now comes to speak to different groups who we work with. She is a real ambassador for the work that we do.”
