Lifestyle

'I refuse to call my stepchild my daughter because I don't see her as mine'


A man who has angered his wife by refusing to refer to his stepchild as his daughter has received a wave of support from others – who have said the blame lies with the mum instead.

He explains that he met his wife six years ago, and they married two years later.

She has a daughter, who is now ‘a thriving and lovely 12-year-old’, who he loves very much and considers to be family.

He says the girl’s dad is a huge part of her life and it’s been ‘drummed into me that I will never ever be a father, just mum’s husband’ by both sides of the girl’s family, including his wife.

More recently, he says his wife has shifted her thoughts and wants him to start referring to his stepdaughter as his ‘daughter’ – but the girl is not expected to refer to him as dad.

He loves her and considers her to be his family (stock image)

“I don’t  really  have an issue with this but I am uncomfortable because I don’t view her as my daughter, I actually view her as a younger family member that I take care of,” he said.

“I love her but she’s my stepdaughter, there is a degree of separation, and that has been influenced by my wife and her family as well as my stepdaughter’s paternal family.

“Anyhow my wife recently asked me why I don’t refer to her as my daughter when I talk about her to other people, I simply said because she’s not my daughter, (we’ve had many discussions in the past about why I’m uncomfortable and she tells me organic relationships grow and I need to get over it, but I still feel the way I feel) and she blew up at me saying I’m being difficult and that if I never view our daughter as my daughter I’m a terrible person.

“I love her to clarify, I just don’t see her as my child.”

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Advice for parents

After asking on Reddit if he was in the wrong to stand firm, many defended him as one argued: “Your wife is a strange person man. She spent years making sure you never felt completely comfortable with your relationship – and now she’s mad you refer to her as your stepdaughter (which she is)?”

Another replied: “Your family made sure that that boundary was never ventured into. Now that they see you are a good husband, they want to suddenly switch it up?”

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