'I keep clashing with my sister over our dad’s ‘gold digger’ girlfriend'

Dear Coleen, my sister and I are at loggerheads over our dad’s new relationship with a woman he met on a dating site a few months back.

Our mum died three years ago after 34 years of marriage and dad was on his own until meeting his new lady.

I actually feel pleased that he’s met someone he likes because I hate thinking of him on his own and having no one his own age to talk to and enjoy life with. But my sister has reacted really badly.

She’s never even met this woman, but has already cast her as a gold digger with her eye on our dad’s lovely home.

By the way, this woman has done absolutely nothing to suggest she’s anything like this! From what my dad says, she’s a divorcee, she has a job she loves and two grown-up sons.

I’m losing respect for my sister and can’t help feeling this is all about her, and she’s not thinking about my dad’s future and his happiness.

I think she’s being unreasonable and should consider what’s best for dad, but every time we discuss it, we end up arguing. Any ideas?

What is your view? Have your say in the comment section

I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now.

I want him to leave for a while so I can get my head straight, but he doesn’t want to. Where do I go from here?

Coleen says

What a lovely (and extremely sensible) daughter you are. You’re thinking about this in the right way, plus your dad’s a grown man with lots of ­experience of life and he’d soon work out if this woman had an ulterior motive.

Maybe for your sister it’s more to do with the fact that she can’t bear to see him with anyone other than your mum – she might be struggling with that. To her, it might almost feel like an affair or a betrayal of your mum’s memory.

So the next time you speak to her, why not ask her if that is what’s really going on behind her objection to your dad’s girlfriend.

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She might open up to you a bit and you can have a more constructive conversation. And tell her you ­understand – if your mum were still alive, they’d still be together and it is strange to see him move on.

Also, remind her that she doesn’t know this new woman, but your dad does. So what you should all focus on is how happy she’s making him after everything he’s been through and the loneliness he must have felt. If he wants to spend money on her, it’s his money to spend.

Maybe you’ll have to agree to not talk about it if it always ends in a row, but I hope your sister won’t make your dad feel guilty or foolish. Also, your dad will be concerned about how you and your sister are feeling – it’s hard when you move on with a new partner and kids are involved.