Dear Coleen, My marriage is at crisis point. The other day, I saw my husband’s phone light up and, for some reason, I took a look at it.
From the notification, it was clear he was looking for gay men in our local area.
While our marriage isn’t great, what sort of man uses a woman to hide behind his true self?
This makes a complete sham of our entire life together and I feel totally used. I could really do with some advice on what to do.
Well, you can’t unsee it or forget about it, so the only way forward is to tell your husband what you saw and ask him for an explanation.
He needs to answer all your questions honestly and talk about where you go from here.
He might have been confused about his sexuality for a long time or it might be something that’s more recent.
The only way to know is to ask him.
Of course you feel betrayed and that your relationship has been built on a lie – it’s completely natural in the circumstances – which is why it’s important to talk to him to get the full picture.
Whether or not he’s had sex with another guy, the intention is there.
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And, obviously, it will be hard for you to move on as a couple if he’s constantly fighting the urge to live as a gay man.
Honesty is what’s required and then I think you have to focus on yourself and what you want for your future.
And don’t be embarrassed to ask for support from people you trust.
The marriage has obviously been struggling for some time and this seems to provide an explanation.