Dear Coleen, t he other night, my husband and I went out for dinner to a local pub with two other couples, who we’ve known for a few years. It was the first time any of us had been out for months because of the lockdown, so spirits were high and a lot of spirits were consumed, too.
I was driving, so only had one glass of wine, but everyone else got plastered.
At one point, one of the women grabbed my husband to go outside the tent for a cigarette. I ended up following a couple of minutes later, as they’d left the lighter on the table.
When I saw them, this woman was touching my husband and leaning into him, while he was stood there like a lemon. She was clearly making a play for him and, when she saw me, she pulled away and went back to the table.
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I didn’t say anything that night and then she texted me the next day to apologise and made the excuse that she was drunk and hoped I’d forget about it and that we could still be friends.
My husband is a bit bemused by the whole thing, but said he didn’t think it was worth making a big deal of it.
It’s playing on my mind, though, and I feel hurt that she would behave like this with my husband when we’re supposed to be friends. What do you think – am I making too much of it?
Coleen says
The old “I was drunk” excuse – well, I’m not buying it.
I don’t think you can blame the booze – it might have given her the Dutch courage to act on her feelings, but if she didn’t fancy your hubby, I’m not sure a few drinks would have led her to making a play for him.
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She was sober enough to invite him for a cigarette and then to pull away from him when you showed up.
So, I don’t think you’re making too much of it and I understand why you’re hurt.
I would also understand if you stopped bothering with her and focused on your other friends because what she did isn’t what friends do.
You don’t have to make a big deal of it, but just distance yourself from her socially from now on.
You have to work out how important she is to you as a friend and if it’s worth having a bigger conversation about it to see if you can move on.
It might be that she’s just shown her true colours, however.
