Relationship

How we stay together: 'I keep saying I'm not the spring chicken you married!'


When Nunzio Gambale came home from work one day and told wife Maureen that he wanted to sell their successful music business so he could invest in a new business venture, she hesitated for just a moment.

They had three sons and a mortgage and were doing well, but she’d watched him and his business partner tinkering with a new GPS technology for the last six years. She’d witnessed his disappointment when everyone in Silicon Valley scoffed at their idea. And she knew that if she said no, he would let it go.

Nunzio’s voice cracks as he remembers what happened next: “She looked at me and she said, ‘You go for it, honey’.”

Maureen smiles at the memory: “Well, I did think he had a loose screw there occasionally. But the reality was, I had undying faith that it would work out … And if it wasn’t successful, we’ve still got each other.”

Her faith paid off. The company Locata is a roaring success – and Nunzio knows who to thank. “We weren’t going to give up and we backed ourselves – and Maureen has backed me all the time.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale at ANU in 1971 not long after they got together.
Nunzio and Maureen Gambale at ANU in 1971 not long after they got together. Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

In May, the Canberra couple will have been together for 50 years and they’re as devoted to each other as they were when they first got together. They met in 1971 in their first year at ANU. He was studying economics, she was doing psychology and sociology, but occasionally shared geography lectures. Nunzio fell head over heels in love with her from the first moment. “I was completely smitten with her. And I wasn’t going to let up … We used to sit down in the quadrangle before class. And every time I saw her, my heart went off.”

Maureen, however, wasn’t interested. In fact, while they got on well and she saw him as “a very decent bloke”, she thought he was angling for an intro to her friend. “I was always very friendly and kind to him [but] I didn’t sense he had any real strong feelings for me.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale at their wedding ceremony
‘He became my soulmate.” Nunzio and Maureen Gambale were married when they were 21. Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

They got together on a cold May night while on a uni trip to Nowra. The group was at the pub and Maureen admired the scarf Nunzio was wearing, a gift from his Italian grandmother. He asked her to look after it. “That was his big move,” Maureen laughs, “and I thought, ‘This scarf’s pretty nice’. I might be able to [keep it and] I needed one’. Then on the way home, he put his arms around me. And I felt his warmth and I could hear his heartbeat – I’ve always loved his heartbeat and for all that stands for – and it went from there. By two in the morning, we were sitting on a doorstep, freezing cold, but totally warm with each other, kissing.”

Nunzio introduced her to his family. They had very different backgrounds: Maureen had a difficult childhood, while Nunzio’s was the archetypal all-embracing Italian family. His family were just as smitten with her: “When Maureen hopped on her little Honda 90 scooter and went off, Mom said, ‘Nunzio, she’s a good girl, you look after her’.”

“He became my soulmate,” Maureen says. “There was no pressure on me to be anybody other than who I am. And we had great communication … because I was doing a double major in psych, I was quite conscious of communicating and what’s happening with your inner self and your inner dialogue, and we seemed to just marry” she says. Whenever there was conflict, they talked things out: “Even though we may have both had to compromise, we moved forward.”

The more Nunzio got to know Maureen, the more he liked her. “I respect who she is. Importantly, I tried not to change who she is, because that’s what I loved right from the beginning. And she has never tried to force me in any direction or change what I’m doing. We’re like two legs of a body. We’re in step with each other, but we’re not dependent upon one another.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale with parents at Nunzio’s 23rd birthday.
‘I respect who she is. Importantly, I tried not to change who she is, because that’s what I loved right from the beginning,’ the couple on Nunzio’s 23rd birthday. Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

They were married about three years later. At that stage, Nunzio had left university to pursue his dream of becoming a professional musician. Maureen had remained to finish her degree but then she fell pregnant.

It was a big shake up for the couple. “I knew that at that stage I was committed to him and I thought, “I’ll have his child.” Then Nunzio’s mother said, “If you’re having the child and it’s staying in the family, then you’ve got to get married.” And I said, “I don’t really think I want to get married. I don’t need to get married to confirm my commitment – but to keep the family moving forward, I will marry him.”

They settled into married life and Nunzio got a job in the public service, but it wasn’t for long before he wanted to go back to touring with his band. Even though they had very little money, Maureen supported him. “I said, ‘Well, you go for it. We survived on little before, we can do it again.’ And I just knew that we would make it.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale  off to a wedding in LA 2006
‘I’m an absolute tragic romantic. I love being in love with her. I love showing her every day that I’m grateful.’ Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

When Nunzio turned 30, he decided to open a music mail order business in Canberra. Maureen also joined the company to do the finances, working part time as she looked after their two children. The couple made sure to present a united front to the team: “They knew we were strong, we were sturdy, and if there was any angst between us, we didn’t bring it into the workplace.”

Maureen is in charge of all the finances – at work and at home, something Nunzio is very happy with. “She can have all the money, I don’t care. As long as I’ve got $50 in my pocket when I can put petrol in the car, I don’t care about money at all,’ he says. “I think this surprised her in the early days. I used to come home and give her my entire pay packet.” Even when Maureen presses him to show him how the finances are organised, he isn’t interested, instead trusting her completely. “Absolutely, with my life. And she’s never let me down.”

Nunzio is effusive in his love for Maureen, frequently showering her with flowers, gifts and affection. “I’m an absolute tragic romantic. I love being in love with her. I love showing her every day that I’m grateful.” While Maureen says she’s less demonstrative, she appreciates his affection and responds in her own way. “He knows I love him and I do it by doing those domestic duties and all the support I give him.”

Given the different ways they express their feelings, the relationship became strained when things changed a few years ago. “My sexuality changed when I went through menopause,” Maureen says. “I just don’t have those hormones of wanting to be running around the bedroom every night.” She adds: “It’s unfortunate for him because I keep saying ‘I’m not the spring chicken that you married,’ but he still sees me as that spring chicken.”

At first Nunzio became despondent about the situation. Maureen convinced him to talk to a therapist, if he couldn’t discuss things with her. Nunzio agreed: “I’ve had therapy because there’s a stage where you get really depressed because you go, “I’m not begging for this. I don’t want to beg for affection’.” He adds: “Love is really important for me, I don’t want the sex if there’s no love.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale with their sons and first grandchildren in 2008
‘We live each day. We plan to make sure we are with each other as much as we can.’ Nunzio and Maureen Gambale with their sons and first grandchildren in 2008. Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

But they are clearly still very attracted to each other. With a laugh, Maureen says Nunzio’s scent is one of her favourite smells – an experience backed up by scientific research. “All these years, I’ve always loved to snuggle in and smell his armpit. I mean, sometimes it’s gross. But still, there was something there for me that made it home for me. I’ve always felt like he feels like home to me.” For his part, Nunzio is just as smitten: “She’s awesome,” he says with a wide smile. “Whatever we’ve got, it’s working,” Maureen says sagely.

Nunzio says: “For me, the person that I saw many years ago, that big bang, that spark is still there, has not changed, has actually grown stronger. And the love and respect for the person that she is, is incredible.” He adds: “There’s also something about true love, it’s all about giving. It really, truly is. I would do anything to make her happy.”

Nunzio and Maureen Gambale
‘There’s also something about true love, it’s all about giving. It really, truly is. I would do anything to make her happy.’ Photograph: Nunzio and Maureen Gambale

Their only concerns now are the passing years: “The greatest problem that we have now, I think, is our dependency on one another is so strong … Thinking of losing her just is shattering,” Nunzio says. “And we know it’s going to happen sooner or later.”

Maureen brushes the concerns aside: “We live each day. We plan to make sure we are with each other as much as we can.” Nunzio laughs: “I’ll retire sooner or later, there’ll be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.” For now, they take each day as it comes. Nunzio says: “I love being alive and I love being with her.”

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