Six months after losing her husband, Delon, to cancer, Sally joined an online dating site to ease her loneliness. It wasn’t long before she met Richard, who was also recently widowed. “At first, we started talking on the phone in the evenings,” says Sally. “We were both going through the grieving process and it was comforting to talk to someone about the challenges.”
Sally had two teenage girls and three older step-children; Richard also had three children. “I was so lost when my wife, Dominique, died. I remember praying that something would change,” Richard explains. “Sally came into my life and it felt like it was meant to be.”
The pair were living in different parts of New Zealand at the time, but after several weeks of phone calls, they decided to take the plunge and meet up.
“I drove six hours to Hamilton from Wellington with my children to visit her,” Richard recalls. “We met up at a restaurant and I think we just knew straight away it was going to be something real.” They had a similar sense of humour and lots of common interests, Sally says. “We’re both Christians and have the same values. Because we had both been married before, I feel as if we understood how important long-term relationships are and we knew what we wanted.”
For the next few months, the couple spent their weekends driving across the country to see each other. Although they were anxious about their children’s feelings, the families bonded quickly. “It’s not been an easy journey and we know that our previous partners are irreplaceable,” Sally says. “But I believe it’s possible to find joy in life even when you are still grieving.”
Richard says he loves Sally’s straightforward nature. “Humour helps us through the dark times and we always laugh together.” For Sally, things “just clicked” when she met Richard. “He’s so easy to be around and will do anything for me. I have to remind myself never to take that for granted.”
Six months after the couple met, Richard proposed while they were on holiday in Christchurch. “I took Sally out to dinner and got the waiter to attach the ring to the dessert,” he says. “We knew it was going to happen and it felt like fate.”
The couple’s former partners will never be forgotten. “I’ll never be a mum to Richard’s children and he’ll never be dad to mine,” Sally says. “You can’t ever replace Dominique and Delon: they’ll always be part of our lives.” When they married in 2018, Sally and Richard put up photographs of their first weddings to honour the memories. “Grief and joy can coexist,” says Sally. “Just because you’ve lost someone, doesn’t mean there won’t be glimpses of joy through the pain. We have decided to grab that joy with both hands.
“As a mother, I know that Dominique would have been so scared of leaving her children behind,” she continues. “I’m very sad that she’s not here to see her children grow up, but I feel honoured that I am helping to raise them.”
Richard and Sally’s “seize the day” mentality has helped to strengthen their relationship and brought the two families closer together. “I used to worry more about what I was spending and think ahead,” says Richard. “Now we enjoy ourselves. We’ve bought a big house and regularly have our extended families over for dinner.” Losing their partners so young has made them appreciate every day.
“Our story shows that there is always hope,” says Sally. “It might not be a new relationship, but one way or another you can find joy again after grief.”
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