Dear Coleen
I’m a 38-year-old divorced woman with two young children. Almost two years ago my husband left me, saying he needed to think about what he wanted, and moved into a rented flat. We’d been together for nearly 10 years and I was heartbroken.
We had gone through stressful patches, as most couples with kids do, but I was totally blindsided by his decision.
Then about two months after he moved out, he called me to tell me he was dating someone else and she’d moved in with him.
This woman turned out to be someone I knew – another heart-wrenching blow. He denied they’d been seeing each other before he moved out of our home, but now I don’t believe that.
Despite how hurt I was and how badly treated I felt, I’ve been able to keep things friendly when it comes to arrangements for the children.
Now, I’d like to meet someone to have a relationship with, but I don’t know where to start – it’s been a long time since I dated.
There is a man I like who’s single and part of a group of friends I see fairly regularly.
The thing is, I don’t know if he likes me in that way and wonder if it would be weird, as we’ve known each other as mates.
I know I’m too young to give up on a romantic relationship, but when it comes to dating I feel like a dinosaur!
Coleen says
It sounds as if you’ve had a tough couple of years, but you’ve survived it and I take my hat off to you for keeping things friendly with your ex for the sake of your children. They will really benefit from this as they grow up. My sons were young when my first marriage ended and, like you, we kept things amicable for them. Now they’re adults, they’ve told me several times how much they appreciated that.
I think whatever age you are, diving back into the dating pool is daunting. I think in many ways it’s easier to make connections with people these days because of apps and social media. And I don’t mean just dating apps, but other online social groups, too.
However, I still think many people meet someone special the old-fashioned way – via friendship networks and through work.
When it comes to this man you like, maybe he won’t be interested on a romantic level, but why not find out? No one likes being knocked back, but you’ve been through far worse and I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine.
It’s not possible to meet up with your friends at the moment, but you could set up a virtual pub on Zoom or Skype one night and connect with him – it might even lead to some online flirting during the lockdown.
Chatting remotely gives you the opportunity to be a little braver than you might be in person. Good luck.
