Here's how to set goals you'll actually be able to achieve

Christmas is just around the corner which means it’ll be New Years before we know it, and with that comes the inevitable set of unrealistic resolutions we set ourselves every year. Planning to run a marathon? Learn a new language? Spend less time on social media? We’ve all been there and everytime our motivation runs dry before the first week of January is up. But it doesn’t have to be this way, according to author Jefferson Bethke.

In his new book, To Hell with the Hustle, Jefferson delves into the bitter truth of setting goals and how you can actually achieve what you set out to do. As he states, “make it more of a practice or way of life that will hopefully stay with you for the next sixty years. Cheers to that!

Here’s the bitter truth: a lot of people have the same goals, but not a lot of people reach them. If you asked an NBA player what his goal was, he would probably say, to win a championship. The winners and losers always have the same goals. But they don’t always have the same systems. When I look back at my old journals, I laugh at how ridiculous and naive and uninformed I used to be. But right after I stop laughing, I’m struck with fear, wondering if I will look back at myself in five years and think the same thing. Probably. That’s how growth as humans works. A few years ago, my goals included:

• Eat better.
• Write a book.
• Read my Bible every day.
• Get an A in my philosophy class.

I’d then set actionable steps to try to achieve each one, usually with a benchmark of my ideal reality. I wanted to eat better so I could have six-pack abs. I wanted to write a book so I could say I was a published author. I wanted to read my Bible every day so I could become a better Christian.

But then I started running into walls. Most of my goals— especially the big, yearly ones I’d start on New Year’s Day— would last until February, and then I’d completely abandon or forget them. Because the hard truth is, finish lines and end-result motivators do not change us. They usually feel too daunting or too disconnected from our current, everyday lives. And most people don’t thrive under the pressure that we heap on ourselves to hit an exact bull’s- eye, not to mention that we feel ashamed if we miss it.

We need to stop thinking, I’m not that awesome or good enough right now, but if I can just do this one thing, then maybe I’ll feel better about myself. The idea that somehow the achievement of a goal will make us a certain type of person and that it will immediately rid us of our current unhappiness and discontentment just isn’t true.

I’ve begun to understand that we are created for formation, not goal- setting. In general, goals are usually about a finish line. Something you can reach for and then be done once you accomplish it. It’s about doing something. Formations, on the other hand, aren’t about doing some- thing but about being someone. One is usually about activity, while the other is about identity. Goals are linear and resemble a straight line. Formations look more like a circle, where you are constantly coming back to the same place to seek renewal and refreshment in a particular practice. One is about a result; the other is about a process.

Some people, when they begin a new hobby, get a huge burst of ambition. Take running, for example. They’ll almost immediately tell themselves, I want to run a 10K or half marathon by this time next year. That’s helpful and great. But I think a better approach is to focus on identity: I want to be someone who runs as a normal part of my life. Or, I will run at least five minutes five days a week.

THIS is how to become a runner (when you can’t think of anything worse)

There’s no finish line. Nothing to really accomplish. Make it more of a practice or way of life that will hopefully stay with you for the next sixty years. Because it’s not about the marathon. It’s about I’m a runner. And the latter to me seems to bring longer, deeper, richer benefits.

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