Like many people, Helen Costa found the process of adopting a child challenging, but once she’d got through it, she thought the hard part was over.
She soon realised she was wrong. “I was completely ill-equipped, and as a result of that really didn’t manage things very well,” she says. “With a child who’s come into the world hardwired for bad things to happen, their response to you and their ability to trust you is incredibly limited, and the behaviours that go with that are completely the opposite to what you expect as a new mum.”
But it wasn’t just her: other new adopters she spoke to were finding it equally difficult. “It made me think ‘We are doing something wrong here’,” Costa says. “We are not preparing people for what is a monumental challenge – and very, very important, because the consequences of not getting that reparenting job right are devastating for children.” When she and her husband had a similar experience after adopting their second child four years later, she decided she would try to change things herself.
The result was the Cornerstone Partnership, a social enterprise focused on improving the lives of children and families touched by the care system (Costa co-founded it with another adoptive parent who no longer works for Cornerstone but is still a part-owner). Initially it focused on supporting adoptive and foster parents early in the process, and providing peer mentors. But Costa was conscious that while adults were “getting up to speed”, children still weren’t getting the support they needed. “I constantly felt, and still feel, the burning need to accelerate that learning curve,” she says. She saw a virtual reality film made for the Alzheimer’s Society, designed to give carers an insight into the inner world of someone with dementia, and was convinced she had the answer.
Cornerstone soon set about making its own VR films, designed to help adopters, foster carers, social workers, teachers and judges understand the impact of attachment-related trauma on a child, “and the response we need from the grownups”. By the beginning of 2018 they were being piloted by 10 local authorities.
The films, which start inside the womb, are hard to watch. First, the viewer takes the place of a developing baby, listening to a man abusing and attacking his pregnant partner. Later, they put the user in the shoes of a crying infant in a filthy room, its father raging and swearing and its drug-using mother preparing it a meal of crisps, softened with tomato ketchup.
In an evaluation of the pilot, more than 90% of social workers thought the VR could change the perspective of carers and adopters, while 60% said it had increased their understanding of children’s experiences and feelings. Almost three-quarters said they would do things differently as a result.
Today, more than 45 local authorities are using the films to train social workers, and to train and assess prospective adopters and foster parents. That they would work as an assessment tool – helping make matches that are less vulnerable to breaking down – was a revelation, says Costa, whose own children are 10 and seven. “Once you’ve seen the footage it’s hard to not give an authentic response to it,” she explains. “Then you’re into a discussion about ‘How would it be if this was in your house’?”
Schools will have access to the VR too, to give teachers an insight into the causes of challenging behaviour and help them deal with it differently. And though it is early days, Costa is optimistic about its impact. “We’re very hopeful that in the years to come we’ll be showing you longitudinal data which shows we’ve reduced exclusions because of this, we’ve reduced placement breakdowns,” she says.
A scientist “through and through”, with a microbiology degree, Costa, 50, began her career in pharmaceuticals. In 2001 she switched to the civil service, joining the then Department of Trade and Industry (“I wanted to do something a bit more worthwhile,” she says). Later she worked for both London mayor Ken Livingstone, at the now defunct London Development Agency, and his successor Boris Johnson, where her remit running the Greater London Authority’s social policy teams included looked-after children and fostering.Costa’s conviction has earned Cornerstone some high-profile backing. When she was interviewed for the role of chair of the government’s Adoption Leadership Board in 2014, the panel included the then chief executive of Cafcass, Anthony Douglas. Costa didn’t get the job, but Douglas – who was adopted himself – was impressed. The two met later to discuss her ideas for changing the adoption system, and Douglas went on to chair Cornerstone’s advisory board.
Together, he and Costa have shown the VR to a group of family court judges. “The feedback was incredible,” she says. “It was exactly as we’d hoped: ‘this will change the way I make decisions’, ‘this will help me to understand and interpret’.” Though judges rightly err on the side of keeping children with birth families if possible, they may not always understand the unseen damage neglect can cause, Costa believes, and the way social workers describe it “inevitably sanitises it for them”.
She has big ambitions for Cornerstone’s work. The VR is already being trialled by three local authorities with domestic abuse perpetrators and mothers who are unwilling to leave violent partners, to help them understand the impact on an unborn child. Ultimately she would like to produce films for young people in care, to protect them from being drawn into child sexual exploitation, county lines drug dealing, gangs and violence.
This is a project that’s personal to her, and her drive is obvious. “It’s a mission, isn’t it?” she says. “It’s not a job. It’s a quest to try and change the way that children who come into care experience the rest of their lives.” It has changed her family’s life, too. “Founding Cornerstone has been a huge part of our story and how I have learned and continue to learn how to parent my beautiful, complicated children.”
Curriculum vitae
Age: 50.
Family: Married with two children.
Lives: Berkshire.
Education: Emerson Park comprehensive school, Hornchurch, Essex; University of Manchester, BSc biochemistry and molecular biology; University of Westminster, graduate diploma in psychology.
Career: 2015-present: chief executive, The Cornerstone Partnership; 2010-11: director, health and communities, Greater London Authority; 2003-09: director, creative industries, sectors, innovation, London Development Agency; 2001-03: deputy director, energy bill team, Department of Trade and Industry; 1993-01: various roles including assistant product manager and senior sales executive, Pfizer; 1990-91: Sales representative, Parke-Davis.
Awards: 2018 Wise100 list of leading women in social enterprise; Social Impact award, VR Awards 2018.
Interests: Horses, dogs, running, family, science.
