It’s the last day of October which can only mean one thing – it’s Halloween! (Picture: Getty)

Something wicked this way comes as today, Thursday October 31, is Halloween – the spooky celebration of all this ghostly and ghoulish.

Whether you’re planning a fancy dress party, carving a pumpkin, heading out trick or treating or just planning on watching Hocus Pocus at home for the 100th time (what, just us?) there are a multitude of ways to make sure you don’t miss out on Halloween themed festivities this year.

In honour of the spooky season, here are some of our favourite Halloween Jokes, memes, images and quotes to celebrate All Hallows’ Eve…

Halloween jokes

Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music

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Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

Q: Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? 
A: Dead ends.

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Shamboo!

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Q: What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
A: A nectarine!

Q: What kind of dessert does a ghost like?
A: I scream!

Q: What do birds say on Halloween?
A: Twick or tweet

Q: What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a ghost?
A: A cocker poodle boo.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store!

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have any guts!

Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room!

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Q: Which ghost is the best dancer?
A: The Boogie man

Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch

Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketi

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Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?
A: Count Quackula!

Q: Why did the ghost leave the Halloween party?
A: They ran out of boos

Halloween images and memes

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3uO657lMiZ/

https://www.instagram.com/p/BoK4JcoHLc4/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4P7zdNFjlF/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4P54hKIQU9/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4P1FNilTSO/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Px_pwJEZs/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PxBzmnrH0/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Pv3K-hzXM/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PuS8pBanU/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PskcZHPag/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PrvttoTdY/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4PjrUFBeO9/

Halloween quotes

‘Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep…’ – Nancy in A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984

‘Something wicked this way comes.’ – William Shakespeare, Macbeth

‘I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.’ – Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

‘Nothing on earth is so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.’ – Steve Almond

‘On Halloween you get to become anything that you want to be.’ – Ava Dellaira, Love Letters to the Dead

‘Shadows of a thousands years rise again unseen, voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween’.’ – Dexter Kozen

‘Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!’ – Rusty Fischer

‘There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.’ – Robert Brault

‘Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.’ – Richelle E. Goodrich

‘Every day is Halloween isn’t it? For some of us.’ – Tim Burton

‘Ghosts and goblins come to play on October’s final day!’ – Rusty Fischer

‘When there is no room left in hell, the dead will walk the earth.’ – Dawn of the Dead, 1978

‘It’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare’ – Sheriff Leigh Brackett in Halloween, 1978

‘Phone Voice: Do you like scary movies?
Sidney Prescott: What’s the point they’re all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can’t act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it’s insulting.’ – Scream, 1996

MORE: Kids are dressing up as Boris Johnson for Halloween

MORE: Sober October: the best Halloween activities in London that don’t involve drinking





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