If you chat to friends via Houseparty but you don’t post a screenshot of your video conference on social media afterwards, did it even happen?
It’s almost impossible to watch Instagram stories at the moment without seeing everyone hanging out virtually with their best mates.
We’ve taken pub drinks to Zoom, we celebrate birthdays on FaceTime. It’s a surprisingly social time, given that we’re all confined to our homes. For a lot of people, that’s delightful – a salvation, a distraction, a joy.
But what if you don’t have anyone to talk to?
Not all of us feel like we have enough mates and loneliness is more prevalent than ever – and only exacerbated by having to go into isolation. Plus, a lot of people – those who have kids for instance – just got their workload doubled and don’t have the time to sit back and catch up.
A lot of us live far away from the people we love, and time differences can make scheduling a call difficult. Some of us only have a few close friends we feel comfortable reaching out to. And a lot of people, obviously, are unwell.
It’s not necessarily an easy time for friendship. I’d say a lot of us have felt pangs of loneliness, either fleeting or persistent.
If you feel like you don’t have anyone to call, this could actually be a good time to make some new friends. Your neighbours are a good place to start. Even though you can’t pop by for a cuppa, you’ve probably seen viral videos circulating about neighbours who communicate with giant posters in their windows, asking what their cat’s name is or complimenting their dog.
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Now is the time to get into all this potential neighbourly loveliness: you could send a handwritten note to anyone in your block of flats or on your street saying hello and perhaps checking if they need anything.
This would probably have seemed a little weird or overly keen in normal circumstances, but during the coronavirus pandemic, small gestures of kindness have become more than usually welcome. If we’re going to get through this with our sanity intact, we’ve got to find connection somewhere.
It’s also a really good time to reconnect with relatives. Talk to a cousin you haven’t seen in years or text your favourite uncle. Have a proper meaningful chat with your sister because you actually both have time right now. You might be surprised how friend-like your family can be.
I call my mum and dad every single day, which may sound excessive, and sometimes we do have an identical conversation to the day before, but it is a serious comfort just to hear their voices so often – especially now that I can’t drop by for a hug or family dinner.
I’ve spent a long time living a long way apart from my family having moved from my native Australia to London several years ago, and it’s prepared me well for these strange, indoor times. Regular contact can really make you feel closer to someone you can’t see.
The only obstacle is obviously getting oldies to operate technology successfully, but even that can be quite funny and endearing. Teaching your ma how to Houseparty or your siblings via Zoom will drive you mad or make you love them even more, but either way, it’s something to pass the time.
For the single amongst us, why not open up that dating app you keep deleting every time you get disillusioned and see if you can have your own very modern meet-cute? My single friends don’t have a lot of patience with dating apps, but they also don’t have a lot to do right now and it might be worth a shot – apparently 70 per cent of Hinge users are open to the idea of going on a virtual first date.
Think of the stories you could tell about how you fell in love during a global pandemic – films could be made about you! Seriously, though, it could mitigate a little loneliness just to chat, and even flirt, with someone new.
I do, I concede, get that the idea of making new friends is a bit overwhelming, so perhaps a worldwide crisis is the right time to reach out to old friends to see if the relationship can be retrieved.
It’s so easy to lose touch with mates at the best of times, especially when we’re so busy building our careers and our personal lives. I’ve done it; we all have. Everyone’s at home right now and in rather dire need of cheering up – it would be delightful to hear from someone you haven’t thought about in a while. Be brave and reconnect.
There is a caveat to all this, of course. Loneliness is a completely natural, normal reaction to what we’re going through and not even a daily Houseparty session can totally mitigate that feeling.
I’ve felt lonely too, mostly because I can’t imagine what the world or my life will be like in a week, a month or a year’s time. It’s a disorienting time to be human and anxiety has a way of making me feel more alone than I actually am. It’s an ache.
It might be something we just have to sit with for a while, make peace with and understand about ourselves. And in lieu of connection, we have ourselves to take care of.
A therapist or psychologist might help to talk to, otherwise: walk in the park. Watch incredible trash TV. Bake banana bread. Do online workout videos. Meditate, nap, write or play Nintendo. And there is plenty of company to be found in fictional characters in books if you don’t have immediate access to a posse of mates.
I promise you, if you feel like you have no friends, remember that there are other people out there who need a friend right now, too. It’s an eerie, frightening time. Just when we would usually reach out to see the people we love, we’re confined to our homes. It’s a cruel and isolating experience for everyone; take solace in that fact.
You may physically feel alone but we are all in this together and we could all do with as much virtual camaraderie as we can get.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing rosy.edwards@metro.co.uk
Share your views in the comments below.
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