She added: “When I was in the air – I told Matthew this years later when he was a grown up, I would never have put this on any child – I wished that the plane would go down in my mind.
“I wished that it would, because then I wouldn’t have made the decision. And people might go, ‘There were other people on the plane, how selfish’ – of course.
“It was the point that I wanted something out of my control and I thought, ‘Why doesn’t it just go down and then I will be out of this pain’.”
Reflecting on her thoughts, she added on the Laura Dockrill on her Zombie mum podcast: “Now I can’t believe I had those thoughts.”