We apologise in advance if this ruins your weekend plans, but it’s important advice: please don’t put your penis in a banana skin for sexual gratification or for any other reason.
Why must we tell you this? Are people really masturbating with banana peels?
Apparently so, yes. So while you personally may have never utilised fruit skins for sexual purposes, we really do need to warn people not to do this.
Over on Reddit, multiple men claim they use ‘the banana technique’, in which they self-pleasure by putting their dick in a banana peel as a sort of makeshift masturbation sleeve.
Proponents say the sensation is ‘the closest thing there is to a blow job’ and praise banana peels as an easy-to-make homemade sex toy.
Fans of the banana technique like that banana peels have slippery interiors, replicating the feel of penetrating a vagina or receiving oral sex.
All of this might sound lovely, but that doesn’t make putting your appendage in a banana a good idea.
A GP, who would prefer to remain anonymous (some people don’t want their name and profession associated with articles about penetrating bananas. Weird.), told Metro.co.uk: ‘The sugars in all fruit make them a bad tool for masturbation – putting your genitals in contact with fruit peels, rinds, or flesh would put someone at risk of a yeast infection.
‘Fruit peels such as banana skins are likely to cause irritation because of their levels of acid. This could lead to sores or painful rashes.’
You could also end up experiencing a slimy horror similar to the one shared by a Redditor, who ended up covered in ‘black goop’ and with a head injury.
Also, while it’s pretty rare to find a spider inside your banana, the fact that spiders do sometimes pop up in peels makes us pretty reluctant to put the fruit anywhere sexual.
Some banana fans say they prefer to microwave their peel first to make it warm and cosy.
This is, again, a terrible idea. It’s easy to overheat your peel without realising, which could land you with some painful burns in an intimate area.
A far better option than faffing about with your daily portions of fruit is to just buy a masturbation sleeve, such as a Fleshlight, and use it with plenty of lube to create that slippery effect.
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