Dear Coleen
I’m expecting my first baby in August, which I couldn’t be happier about. However, my boyfriend has let me down in a huge way and I don’t know how to get over it or even if I can.
A couple of months ago, he went away on a stag weekend with some of his oldest friends, whom he hadn’t seen in a while. When he got back he was quiet and a bit distant, but also super attentive. He was just acting oddly.
I asked one of the other girlfriends if anything happened on the trip that I need to know about and eventually she blurted out that my boyfriend had slept with a girl when he was away and that the rest of the guys felt terrible about what had happened.
I’m so heartbroken because this was supposed to be a special time for us and he’s ruined everything. I’ve been trying to carry on as normal until I work out how to deal with this, but it’s been hard.
If I hadn’t been pregnant, I’m pretty sure I would have had it out with him by now and would probably have thrown him out.
I do love him and want to bring up our baby together, but I’m so angry with him. Have you any advice?
Coleen says
You need to tell him you know and how you feel about it. If you don’t, your anger and resentment is only going to grow. Plus, caring for a newborn is tiring and all-consuming, so deal with things now while you still have a calm space for a discussion.
He sounds like someone who’s carrying around a shed-load of guilt about what he did, but it’s important that he’s honest with you about why he did it.
Yes, drink was probably involved, but there’s usually something more significant underlying it and alcohol just provides the Dutch courage.
Perhaps he’s feeling under pressure from the prospect of parenthood or there might be another reason entirely, but you have to get to the bottom of it and then see if you can work through it.
But have these discussions now because the first few months of your baby’s life will be a challenge and you’ll need to be able to support each other.
He also needs to know that you want someone reliable by your side – you don’t want a partner who jumps ship every time you hit rocky seas or there’s a big change in your lives.
