Dear Coleen
I’m an 18-year-old girl and over the summer my boyfriend went overseas for work, so I haven’t see him for a few months. During this time, I’ve met a wonderful guy, who’s 20, and we’ve enjoyed spending time together and have also slept together.
It all started as a laugh when we went skinny-dipping in an outside pool. As we swam naked together, the temptation to have sex was overpowering, so we made love.
It was great, especially as I’d been missing out on that side of things since my boyfriend went away. My problem now is that it’s gone beyond sex and I’ve started to have feelings for this guy – I might even be in love with him.
I’ve also found I have far more in common with him than my boyfriend.
I’m wondering whether I should end things with my boyfriend when he comes home. My friends say I should, but I’m not sure and feel quite confused. What would you advise?
Coleen says
I think your friends are absolutely right – I don’t think the bond between you can be that strong if you ended up having an affair with someone else as soon as he left the country. And if your boyfriend found out about it, I’m sure he’d finish with you anyway.
Look, long-distance relationships are tough, even when you have years of history together and things seem rock solid, so when you’re only 18 they’re pretty impossible to keep going.
It’s unfair to lead your boyfriend on – you seem pretty engrossed in this other guy and say you have more in common. And, when you’re young, I don’t believe you should be tied down to a serious romance – there’s plenty of time for that in the future.
The problem might be this ‘summer’ romance may lose its appeal when it’s all out in the open. And I wonder if you really know what your summer lover wants – does he want a relationship or does he just like having sex in the pool?
