Dear Coleen
My 24-year-old son has always had a temper and argued with those around him, including his brothers and me.
He falls out with his friends quite easily and he’s had to leave two jobs because of clashes with his boss or colleagues.
After university, he moved in with a girlfriend for a year but they broke up so now he’s moved back home.
He’s very stressed and a few times we’ve come to blows over things like how messy he leaves his room, or the fact he’s eaten food I had planned for something else. He gets very angry and slams doors or calls me names.
My husband is a quiet man who never wants to get involved and he refuses to support me. What can I do?
Coleen says
Well, for a start you can tell your son that he’s an adult and if doesn’t like the rules in your house, he’s perfectly entitled to go and find somewhere else to live.
Come on, he’s 24 not 15. You don’t have any obligation to have him living with you. I think that when adult children are at home, either after university or a break-up, then they have to respect your rules and the fact that they’re living in your house.
It’s different when they’re teenagers, but adult children can’t live in your home and shout at you. That’s just not on.
And as for your husband? Well he absolutely should support you. It’s all very well him sitting in his armchair saying he doesn’t want to get involved, but it’s his son as well.
No matter what age your children are, as parents you have to take a stand together. It’s easy to shut things out and say you don’t want to get involved, but he has to. You’re his wife and he can’t sit back while you’re getting sworn at.
As for your son, instead of screaming and shouting, maybe sit down with him when things are calm and have a conversation about how you feel.
Just make it very clear to him that if things don’t change, he’ll have to move out because his behaviour just isn’t acceptable.
