Dear Coleen: My long-distance boyfriend won't stop sleeping with other women

Dear Coleen

I’ve been having a long-distance relationship with a guy for three years. We’ve slept together during this time, but never called each other girlfriend and boyfriend because of the distance.

So we were dating and having sexual relationships with other people, too. However, we’re soulmates and I love him.

The last time we were together we decided we wanted to make our  relationship ‘official’, but we both feel too young to get married, so we’re still seeing each other whenever we can but it might be months before we next meet up again.

The thing is, he still wants to sleep with other girls because we can’t be together physically.

But now that we’re dating officially this is starting to really bother me. And whenever he goes to sleep without texting me, my ­imagination runs wild and I picture him with another girl.

I want us to build a trustworthy, solid relationship and I don’t want to sleep with other guys any more. The old me would have let him do ­whatever he wanted without any complaints, but I don’t feel that way these days.

I love him and think he could be ‘the one’. What do I do?

Coleen says

If you don’t want to sleep with other people and don’t want him to do it either, then you need to be honest about how you feel. However, be prepared that you might not get the answer you’re hoping for.

Long-distance relationships are tough – even if you’re married or in an established long-term relationship. And I think it’s especially hard if you’re young and seeing all your friends starting relationships.

You have to think about where this long-distance relationship is actually going and how practical it is. I know you think he’s ‘the one’, but perhaps that’s because you haven’t really given yourself the chance to form ­relationships with other people – if it’s only ever about sex with other guys, you don’t get to know them.

Why not suggest a complete break to see how you each get on when you’re not in touch all the time and have no ­expectations of each other.

You might find you really miss each other and it’ll make you determined to find a way to be together, or you might feel relieved that you can be free to live your lives to the full without worrying about the other person.