Dear Coleen
My boyfriend and I have been together for six months.
We met in the bar where he works and fell head over heels in love with each other.
I’m 22 and only finished university last year, while he’s 26.
Things are complicated because he has an 11-month-old son with his ex.
They split before the baby was born and she is a complete nightmare – manipulative and difficult when it comes to him seeing his son, whom my boyfriend absolutely adores.
My parents have warned me off the relationship and want me to focus on my career.
I think they worry the situation is messy and I’ll get hurt, but I really love my boyfriend and can see myself married to him.
The other night we even talked about what it would be like to move in together and have our own child.
He’s a great father and wants to have more kids.
I couldn’t have imagined feeling this way six months ago, but I trust him and know we’re meant for each other.
(Image: Getty)
Coleen says
I know you’re in love for the first time and it’s very easy to get swept away by the romance of it.
However, I think you need to try to be led by your head and not by your heart when it comes to having a child.
If you are meant to be together, then why rush into becoming parents when you’re both very young?
Having a baby puts a lot of stress on a relationship and if you don’t really know each other before you get into it, then you’ll be ill equipped to deal with the challenges.
I think you also have to think carefully about why you want a child – on some level is it to compete with his ex, or is he looking to repair what went wrong with the mother of his son and create a new family?
His ex – to some extent – and his son will always be in his life and for you, as his new partner, it’s a tough gig to take that on.
If I were your boyfriend, I’d be looking to make that area of my life more stable before contemplating having another child.
