Dear Coleen
My parents are in their late-60s and retired. They’ve always had a fantastic marriage – one I aspired to myself. However, recently my mum confided in me that she was bored with my dad and wanted more out of life.
I was really shocked when she told me and actually burst out crying. I can’t stand to think their relationship might be in trouble when I thought they were happy and a solid couple.
I’ve told her to be careful about throwing away 40 years of marriage, but she just says she doesn’t know what to do about it. I feel so bad for my dad and also hate the fact my mum has admitted this and I have to keep it from him.
My dad is a very positive person and just enjoys being at home, doing the garden, seeing his friends for a pint occasionally, reading and so on.
He doesn’t need much, however my mum is always looking for the next thing and especially now she has so much time on her hands.
Any ideas on how I can help them? Is it even possible for me to do so?
Coleen says
I think it’s possible in terms of you being there for both of them. Your mum obviously needed to get it
off her chest and confide in someone, but equally, I’d be advising her to speak to your dad about how she feels.
Retirement can be really challenging – it’s a big adjustment and it does have the potential to impact on your relationship.
However, I don’t see any reason why they can’t live happily together and still do their own thing – it’s about finding something that works for them.
I know quite a few couples who’ve lived quite separate lives since giving up work, but still come together to have dinner, watch TV and do certain things, such as enjoying a shared hobby.
They still want to be together and still have enough things in common to stay connected.
Also, instead of just laying the blame at your dad’s door for being boring, encourage your mum to be part of the solution to get out of the rut.
Can she suggest up some ideas for things they can do together, as well as apart?
