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Dear Coleen: Love, guilt and shame, I feel it all with my married man



Dear Coleen

My story is a cliché I’m afraid. I’m a woman of 25 and I’ve been seeing a married man for 18 months, on and off.

He’s broken things off a couple of times when he’s felt guilty over his marriage, but he always gets back in touch and things start up again.

He’s 10 years older than I am and has a two-year-old son, whom he adores.

We met in a bar one night – we were both drunk and exchanged numbers and that’s how it started. Since then, we’ve met in hotel rooms and at my flat for sex.

I really think he’s the one for me – the sex is incredible and it just feels right. But he’s married and I don’t think he’ll ever leave his wife, it’s never been talked about.

There’s an unspoken thing that it’s about sex and friendship, but nothing more. Sometimes I wake up at night, stressed out by the situation and feel determined to end it, but then when I see him, those thoughts disappear.

We’ve also started to take more risks – I stayed overnight at his house when his wife and son were out of town visiting her mother.

We both felt really bad about it the next day, however.

I know what we’re doing is wrong and I hate feeling second best, but I feel trapped in the situation.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I think you’re always going to be second best I’m afraid.

It’s been 18 months and you’ve never even discussed the possibility of him leaving his wife and being in a proper relationship with you.

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It’s not even on the table. He’s having the best of both worlds, so he’s unlikely to be the one to put a stop to it.

But you want more and you deserve more – I just don’t think it’ll be with him.

You also need to ask ­yourself if you really want to make a life with a guy who does this kind of thing. What kind of person is he?

If he’s not happy in his marriage, he should focus on sorting it out one way or the other instead of having an affair. No one’s a winner in this situation.

I realise it’s hard to cut the cord when you’re in love with someone but, as much as it hurts, you can and will get over it and move on to ­something better.

Try to put yourself in his wife’s shoes – imagine how devastated she’d feel if she found out about your affair.

I’d advise listening to your head and walking away.

If you’re destined to be together, he’ll deal with his marriage and come back to you.

Right now, he doesn’t have to.

Daily Mirror news





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