Dear Coleen
I’m at the start of another new year and there never seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m 25 and feel I’m going nowhere in life. I’ve been living at home since finishing university and have hardly any money.
I can’t seem to get on the career ladder, so I work in bars and sometimes do building work for a mate to earn some extra cash.
My state of mind doesn’t help – I’m quite anxious and prone to dwelling on the negative side of things. And even though girls have told me I’m attractive, I haven’t been in a relationship since I left uni several years ago.
To make things worse, all my mates seem to be doing well – careers, girlfriends and good social lives. I’ve shut myself off a bit from them because I don’t feel I have anything to say they’d be interested in, plus I have little money and I feel embarrassed by my situation.
My parents are good – they put up with me and don’t ask too many questions, but I’m sure they’re wondering what I’m doing with my life and when I’m going to leave home.
Can you help?
What’s gone wrong?
Coleen says
I think isolating yourself is the wrong thing to do – it’s making you feel worse and giving you the opportunity to just spiral into your own negativity. You could start by reaching out to your parents and telling them how you feel, and see what advice they have.
As a parent, I hate the thought of one of my children not being able to share their problems and fears.
The point is, nothing will change for the better unless you admit to yourself and others that you’re not in a great place and could use some support. Why do you feel you have to cope on your own? You don’t.
So many people suffer from anxiety and depression, and there’s loads of help available. Check out the mental health charity Mind (mind.org.uk), which has groups and services across the country as well as helplines and counselling. Your GP may also be able to refer you for counselling.
As far as your mates go, if they’re proper friends, it won’t matter what your situation is or that you don’t have much disposable cash.
“Why not just say, “I’m coming out for a drink, but I won’t be out late as I’m pretty skint at the moment”. They’ll understand.
But it’s important to have social connections and to be able to relax and laugh, and take yourself out of your situation.
And don’t think you have to achieve things overnight – take it a step at a time and soon you’ll be miles from where you started. Make that call about meeting your mates and talk to your parents. You’re a young guy and have time to make a good life for yourself.
Take the first step. Good luck.
