Dear Coleen
My husband and I have been together since we were just 18 and we’re now 35, so that’s 17 years.
Recently, I’ve started to feel that I’ve missed out on a lot in life – sleeping with other people, travelling to exotic places, going away with friends and just being free to do what I want.
I’ve had a really rough 18 months, which I think has made me reassess everything. A good friend passed away after a long illness, which was devastating, work has been very stressful and my dad had a heart attack.
I keep thinking I shouldn’t let things just drift on and that if I don’t start doing what I want now, when will I?
I do love my husband, but our relationship is like a comfortable old slipper.
There’s no real excitement and I know he’s not bothered about travelling outside of his own little fishbowl.
I keep wondering what it would be like to go off on my own and experience new places and people.
I don’t know whether these feelings will pass or whether I should act on them. Have you any advice?
Coleen says
I think you genuinely feel these things, but you’ve also had a tough 18 months, so it could also be a bit of desperation to get away from everything that’s happened.
The thing is, wherever you go in the world, you’ll take your grief and your problems with you.
Being in a tropical paradise won’t change all that stuff – it’ll still be there, waiting to be dealt with.
If you haven’t already had bereavement counselling, then you might benefit from it – cruse.org.uk.
You sound bored in your marriage and I think it can be a challenge when you get together as teenagers because you change so much as people and sometimes you do grow apart.
But don’t make any knee-jerk decisions – talk to your husband properly about how you feel.
Explain that you’re unhappy and want more from life, and have a discussion, listening to what he’s got to say too.
He might agree to being more adventurous in different areas of your life together, but only you can decide if that’s going to be enough for you.