Dear Coleen
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me two months ago, but he’d started seeing another girl before we even split.
I’m guessing they’d been together for a while and he’d lied to me about it.
We dated for a year, which was a year with complications because of the distance involved.
I admit I didn’t make him my priority and that was one of the main reasons for the split.
But I love him, even though I didn’t show it that much when we were together.
I never cheated on him, but he cheated on me and I blame myself for that as well.
And now he’s with the girl he cheated with.
Anyway, I thought two months would be enough time for me to get over him, but who am I kidding?
I try not to think about what happened and go out, but as soon I’m alone I think about him.
I’m still in pain and still cry for him, and I don’t know what to do. I think I’m depressed as well.
I need to get over him before I feel even worse. Please help.
(Image: Getty Images/Blend Images)
Coleen says
You can’t give yourself a time limit to get over a relationship and expect to wake up when the two months is up and suddenly feel completely fine.
We’re not wired that way I’m afraid.
Emotions are complex, messy and often unpredictable.
You can’t put your feelings around this break-up into a neat little box and send it off when you’re done with it.
The way you’re feeling right now – hurt, humiliated and probably shocked because you took the relationship for granted and never saw it coming – is normal and it takes time to feel better.
You have to work through these painful feelings – it’s the mind’s way of healing and making sense of what happened.
Right now you’re still blaming yourself for the split, but I think you’ll start to feel angry that he cheated and that he couldn’t be honest with you, and anger can be quite a motivating force and help you to move on.
You need to develop an “I’ll show you” attitude and, when you do, you will start to focus on creating new things in your life.
It’s good you’re still going out and doing things to take your mind off your ex, but if you think you need extra help and you don’t start to feel better, then consider having some counselling.
