Dear Coleen
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about a year and we don’t live together – we’re both in our early 30s. We haven’t seen each other for nearly two weeks because of the advice around coronavirus and I have to admit that I’m enjoying the break from things.
I’ve had a lot of time to think, especially this last week working from home, and I really think I want to end things with him.
It wasn’t great before all this happened, but this situation has forced us to be apart and I suppose it’s made me realise that I’m fine on my own and I’m actually happier.
My problem is, I feel bad ending it over the phone or via email but, in a way, it would be a clean break and we can, hopefully, both resume our lives once the coronavirus crisis is over.
I feel bad because I don’t think he’s on the same page as I am and I think he’ll be very upset. However, if I wait to tell him until life returns to normal, that could be weeks away.
Have you any advice on a way to tell him that doesn’t seem cruel?
Coleen says
I think a lot of people are going to find themselves in similar situations because they’ve got the time to really think about their lives and make decisions they’ve been putting off.
If this is how you feel then, yes the timing is unfortunate, but I would be honest with him. But don’t text or email him – pick up the phone or FaceTime and have a conversation.
This should be when you’re missing your boyfriend the most – the separation should feel really hard. But the fact you feel happier and lighter in isolation is a pretty big indication that the relationship isn’t right.
Some couples choose to take a break from each other to work out if they want to be together – this ‘break’ has been forced on you because of the current health crisis, but I think it’s given you the answer you’d been looking for.
It won’t be easy to have that conversation. All you can do when you speak to him is explain that you haven’t missed the relationship and it’s made you realise that it’s no longer working for you. Allow him the space to tell you how he feels. You never know – he might feel the same.
