Lifestyle

Dear Coleen: I’m married but man I had sex with says he’ll tell all



Dear Coleen

I work in a stressful job and often go to the pub with colleagues after work to let off steam.

I started chatting to one of the ­regulars in there – a really handsome guy and we got along really well.

One night, I was staying in a hotel as I had to get up early for a presentation the next morning and wanted to avoid the commute into town.

I’d been to the pub and had a few (too many) glasses of wine and invited this guy back to my hotel. We ended up having sex, which was great, and after that started meeting for more. It was easy for me to make excuses to my husband about having to stay up in town for an early meeting.

I know I was stupid to get myself into this and it wasn’t long before I started regretting it as this man became needy and demanding.

I knew I had to cut him off, but when I did, he went nuts and started crying, saying he’d fallen in love with me and I’d led him on. He’s since sent me messages threatening to tell my husband and my colleagues. I’m so stressed by this and worried I’ll be found out – what should I do?

Coleen says

Well, if he knows who your husband is and you think he’s serious about telling him, maybe the best thing to do is shut it down by telling your husband.

I realise that opens a whole new can of worms, but at least you won’t be looking over your shoulder every minute of the day, waiting for the bomb to drop, and you can be in control of explaining what happened.

And if your hubby decides to give things another go, I think you have to be honest about why you were ­vulnerable to this affair and what wasn’t working in your marriage.

Affairs are often a symptom of a deeper problem. You’ll also have to work hard to prove you deserve another shot and to rebuild your hubby’s trust.

But also, be honest with yourself – do you want to be in this marriage? Relationship counselling could help you decide one way or the other.





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