Dear Coleen: I slagged off my boyfriend when he walked out on me – and now my parents won't forgive him

Dear Coleen

My partner and I had a huge row a couple of weeks ago, which resulted in him walking out and going to stay with his brother for a few nights.

I was so angry with him and I had a real rant about him to my parents, telling them all the hurtful things that he’d said and done.

At the time, I was so mad that I never wanted to see him again, even though we have an 18-month-old son together.

However, we’ve since reconciled and talked a lot about what happened.

He is very remorseful about the things he said, and for walking out, which he now realises was very hurtful and immature.

He’s had a lot of stress at work and we’ve both found parenting hard because our son is a poor sleeper, so we’re feeling exhausted pretty much all of the time.

My problem is, my parents don’t want to see my partner – they don’t want to visit if he’s there or have him at their house after the things he said.

My dad is particularly angry that he walked out on us. I’ve told them I think they’re overreacting and asked them to trust my judgment, but they simply won’t listen.

If I can move on and try to work on the relationship, why can’t they support me? They’re being very black and white about the whole thing. Have you any advice on how I can solve this?

Coleen says

I think it would help to see things from their point of view – they love you and he hurt you. They dealt with the fallout and you told them all the hurtful things he said.

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And, remember, at the time you never wanted to see him again either.

They don’t have the same kind of relationship with him that they have with you, so it might take some time for them to accept him again.

If you can convince them all to get in a room together to discuss what happened, that might be one way to sort things out. It’s up to your partner to reach out, apologise, explain himself and offer your parents reassurance.

However, if your mum and dad are still not having it and you want to be with your partner, you have to find ways of including your parents in your life without your partner being there. And, hopefully in time, if they can see you’re happy and things are going well, they will come round.

It could be worth considering ­relationship counselling to help you and your partner, and it would also show your parents how serious you are about working through your problems and moving forward positively.


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