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Dear Coleen: I dumped my new husband after our honeymoon and I still feel awful about it all



Dear Coleen

I married my fiancé in May this year after planning the wedding for two years. We’d been together for five years and I thought we’d be together for ever.

We’re both 26, which my parents kept saying was too young to be tied down, although I didn’t agree.  

We were only 21 when we got together and a lot has changed in the past few years. We’ve both grown up – I’m into my career, while he’s happy to work in a bike shop and cycle or windsurf every weekend.

We developed different friendship groups and had started to socialise separately and do less and less as a couple.

The romance had died a bit too after living together for three years, and our sex life was fairly dull.  

However, I got carried away with the wedding and just carried on with the preparations until I found myself walking down the aisle.

The honeymoon was OK, but when I got back I just had this sinking feeling, as if I’d done the wrong thing in getting married. Things went back to normal, but I was struggling to find reasons for why we were actually together.

I asked myself if I wanted to have children with my husband and the answer was no. That’s when I decided to end things and move back in with my parents. It’s been five months now and I feel terrible for inviting people to this big wedding, and I’m sick of trying to explain things and justify my decision. My ex won’t even talk to me. How can I feel better?

Coleen says

Trust me, you will feel better in time. It’s only been a few months and naturally you’re still thinking about it a lot, as well as having to deal with the horrible practicalities – moving out, splitting up your stuff and dealing with the legal side of things.

But please don’t doubt your decision. You trusted your instincts and I think it takes guts to walk away when you did. You could have let things carry on, becoming more and more unhappy, and you might have ended up having a baby, which would have complicated things further. You knew you wanted out and you took action.

Of course it’s sad when any relationship ends, even if you know it’s the right decision. You’ll always get gossipy or judgy people throwing their opinions around, but so what?

You did the right thing for you and that’s what counts. And although your ex might not see it now, I’m sure in time he’ll realise it was the right decision too. He wouldn’t want to be married to someone who had doubts.

Lean on your parents and friends, and let them support you. It’s OK to get things wrong – the important thing is to learn from these experiences.





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