Dear Coleen
I’ve recently discovered I’m expecting my first child and I’m over the moon. I’ve been married for three years and my husband and I had been trying for a baby for about a year.
He’s ecstatic too, and the news has brought us some much-needed joy during this difficult time.
My problem is, I don’t know how to tell my best friend. She’s been with her husband for eight years and they’ve been trying for a baby for five years without success.
Sadly, she has had several miscarriages and two failed attempts at IVF.
She’s so sad about it all and it’s taken over her life, and I know my pregnancy will feel like another blow, even though she’ll be happy for me.
My friend’s brother and sister-in-law have a child and they’re expecting another this summer, and my friend has found this very hard to deal with, as they’re not the most thoughtful people.
She talks to me all the time about how insensitive they are.
How can I tell her my news without upsetting her? I’ve been putting it off for a couple of weeks.
Coleen says
Congratulations on your wonderful news. Well, what a thoughtful friend, taking someone else into consideration when I’m sure you want to shout about your pregnancy from the rooftops.
I think she will appreciate you acknowledging this will be tough on her, even if she’s happy for you. I’m sure every time a friend gets pregnant she’ll think about herself and how unfair it is that everyone around her is having a baby, but it’s not happening for her.
I think the way you tell her is important. At the moment, you can’t do it face-to-face, so it’ll have to be via a phone call or a nice email. An email would give her the time to digest it before talking to you.
Tell her you’ve been thinking a lot about her and how to tell her – be honest. And let her explain how she feels. I’m certain, even if she feels sad for herself, she’ll be happy for you. And why not tell her you want her to be part of things, but to nudge you if you’re talking about it too much or it’s feeling tough.
It might help her to get involved in the excitement.
But, equally, don’t feel guilty for being pregnant or let your friend’s situation spoil your wonderful news. You deserve to enjoy every minute of this special time.
