Dear Coleen

I have a problem with my husband’s 30-year-old daughter. I am his third wife and his girl belongs to wife number one.

His daughter constantly interfered in his second marriage, which ended in divorce, as he wasn’t prepared to stand up to her. I then got together with him but, the first time I met his daughter, she made it clear that she is his first choice and he’d only be with me if she allowed it!

We went on holiday together and I ended up talking to my husband about him staying up with her until 3am drinking whisky, while I went to bed alone.

He mentioned it to her and she got so angry, she packed her things up and left. She then made life hell for us, going back to the second wife, telling lies.

We received late-night stalking calls for almost a year and ended up getting a lawyer involved. She never apologised and ignored us for two years.

Now, out of the blue, she’s started sending him songs, blaming him for letting her down, and I’ve found out he’s been talking to her behind my back.

We’ve been married for just two years and I’m worried this will rip us apart, as I feel he’s not being honest with me. I sort of feel cheated on.

What’s your opinion?

Coleen says

Well, he’s her father and despite her issues and how badly behaved she’s been since you’ve been married, I’m sure he wants to try to make things right and have a relationship with her.

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I think you have to respect that, however, I also think you deserve honesty, so he should be transparent about what’s going on in terms of his relationship with his daughter.

He might be afraid to tell you because of the havoc his daughter has caused, but seeing her in secret isn’t really a long-term solution.

I think it’s fine if he wants to see her on his own – you and she might prefer that – but he should be honest about them reconnecting because it might impact your life if she decides to be nasty and difficult again.

It sounds as if your husband has never stood up to his daughter, possibly because he
felt guilty about breaking up the family when he moved on from her mother.

However, it’s never too late to put boundaries in place and you should insist he does this for the sake of your marriage.

I think years of never saying no to his daughter have come back to bite him in a big way! 

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