Dear Coleen
My 16-year-old daughter had a baby a few months ago. I won’t lie, it was a huge shock when she told us she was pregnant and I was heartbroken at the time. Now, though, she has a beautiful little boy, we’ve all rallied round to support her and
they’re both doing really well. We’re hoping she’ll be able to return to studying next year.
My problem is her ex-boyfriend’s family who want nothing to do with the baby. They blame my daughter for everything and believe their “golden boy” was lured into this relationship and therefore has no responsibility for the child or my daughter. They’d already split up by the time my daughter realised she was expecting.
My daughter is OK with it, but I’m angry. Why would they be so small-minded and, quite frankly, stupid?
This boy isn’t daft – he’s actually very clever, and therein lies the problem.
I don’t think his parents want his university ambitions to suffer because he’s a father.
They’re panicking about him being distracted and getting back together with my daughter, although I don’t think that’s what she wants.
Have you any ideas on how I can navigate this situation?
Coleen says
I don’t think you can or should make someone be involved if the desire isn’t there. Your daughter seems at peace with things and is focused on her little boy. She’s accepted she’s a single mum and is doing well with your support.
So a big pat on the back to you and your family for handling things the way you have.
The way I’d see it is it’s their hard luck if they’re missing out on this gorgeous little boy. However, once your daughter’s ex starts working and earning a wage, he should be paying for his child.
But of course I get why you’re angry – it’s almost like your daughter got pregnant on her own and he had no part in it!
However, I don’t think you’ll change their minds – I think you need to leave the ball in their court.
Try to look at the positives – you don’t want to be so eaten up by anger and bitterness that you don’t enjoy this special time.
And do you really want these people in your lives right now when you know how they feel?
It’s challenging being a lone parent, so your daughter doesn’t need the added stress of two families at war.
