Dear Coleen: He flirts with girls online and says I’m overreacting

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my long-distance boyfriend for nearly three years. All was well until last year when I found out he was secretly befriending other girls online and had been ­chatting to them for months, especially while he was working away in the US.

However, I stayed strong and decided to trust him as I didn’t have any strong evidence that anything else was going on at that point.

Out of the blue, he told me that he wasn’t ready to commit and decided we should take a break and have no contact for three months. He got back in touch after the break, apologised and promised he’d never hurt me again.

We were slowly patching things up, but in January I discovered he was having very intimate roleplay with some other girls online. I didn’t need to hack into his account – all the messages can be seen publicly on his profile and theirs.

Over that time we didn’t see each other, as he claimed he had to be with his family. Again I put up with it but I felt at rock bottom and told him so. He just said there was nothing going on with these girls and, that if I had doubts, we should take another break.

He was so cold and made out it was all my problem. Basically, he’s doing sexual and romantic things online, which feels to me like cheating, and I can’t accept it.

But he makes out it’s me who’s being stupid and overreacting.

What’s your advice?

He makes me feel like I’m overreacting [file image]

Coleen says

I think you know what to do! Don’t let him make you feel like you’re crazy – this is cheating and it’s clear from your letter that this guy is in no way committed to you and isn’t even trying to hide these online relationships any more because he thinks he can do what he likes and you’ll still be there.

He wants to have his cake and eat it – to see you when the mood takes him and carry on doing whatever he pleases with other women.

He doesn’t care about your feelings and if a committed relationship is what you want, then this guy isn’t the one for you.

The solution is quite simple – you need to move on from him, but it’s painful to do because you still have feelings for him.

However, I think being lied to, humiliated, betrayed and kept dangling is a whole lot more painful.

You deserve someone better. You’ve given this a good go, but it hasn’t progressed in any way.

It’s a no-brainer in my opinion.

Coleen Nolan


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