“MY bum is killing me,” groans a voice behind me as we pedal up a steep, cobbled hill towards Bratislava Castle.
Breathtaking in both senses of the word, this iconic citadel has been painstakingly restored to full Renaissance finery, with its imposing facade and ornate gates and towers.
4
I’ve joined a small group of brave souls on the Bratislava Bike Tour, one of the tantalising excursions offered as part of our Highlights Of The Danube cruise.
From the castle’s watchtower, the meandering river glistens beneath us and we can just make out our ship, the A-Rosa Donna.
In the distance, beyond Slovakia’s lowlands, we can see as far as Hungary, Austria and the Czech Republic.
We all feel elated. We have whirled through a montage of illustrious history, from the beautiful medieval and Gothic old town, with its stunning Baroque architecture, to the city’s crowning hilltop castle.
4
Luckily it’s all downhill on our return and we arrive back on board just in time for our “sail away” cocktail. Then, to melt away our aches and pains, we head for some serious pampering.
The spa on the A-Rosa Donna claims to be the smallest in Europe, but it is ridiculously spacious — a sumptuous Tardis on a bijou river boat.
There is a steam room, treatment rooms, gym and a cosy relaxation area. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the Finnish sauna, the Danube shimmers a blazing pink.
A kaleidoscope of gilded trees and rolling landscapes passes by. It may be the smallest spa in Europe but it is also the one with the best views.
4
But you don’t need to visit the sauna to feel a lovely warm glow. The ship has a relaxed ambience that makes you feel instantly at home. With just 100 cabins and 50 staff, the atmosphere is intimate, informal and friendly.
Cabins are spacious. Mine has a huge comfy bed, with French windows opening out over the water. Dining is also laid-back, with a buffet offering more options than you can shake a wiener schnitzel at.
Tonight, we are booked into the smaller of the ship’s two restaurants for a five-course banquet. While the cruise’s all-inclusive feature includes meals in the buffet restaurant and many drinks on board, you can take this alternative dining option for a small supplement.
It is well worth it. There is a different wine to taste for every course, the steak is melt-in-the-mouth and the sachertorte (a Viennese chocolate cake) is delectable.
4
Our cruise has already taken in the beauty of Vienna, the wilderness of the Hungarian Puszta and the glories of Budapest. The Wachau Valley, one of the most famous stretches of the Danube, will be the icing on the cake.
The next morning, we rise early to grab a Buck’s Fizz and head on deck to take in the 360-degree views.
The river squeezes itself between soaring cliffs and rolling hills, blanketed in terraced vineyards.
There are chocolate-box Austrian villages, crumbling castles and splendid hilltop monasteries. It is stunning.
In the afternoon, we dock at Melk to visit its abbey, one of the world’s finest Baroque ensembles and a Unesco World Cultural Heritage site.
I come across an oil painting of one of the abbey’s famous patrons in the 1750s, Empress Maria Theresa.
Alongside it is her quote: “If I had never come here, I would have regretted it.” I can relate to that. It sums up my whole trip perfectly.
GO: DANUBE
GETTING / STAYING THERE: Shearings Holidays has a 12-day Highlights Of The Danube river cruise on MS A-Rosa Donna for £1,399pp in May, including return coach, seven nights’ all-inclusive cruise, city tours of Vienna and Budapest, plus overnight stays in France, Belgium and Germany.
Book by February 29 on 0344 874 8220 or see shearings.com.
