When you know someone hasn’t got long left, you want to spend as much time with them as possible – and that might mean cancelling plans.
One woman dealing with a close relative dying from cancer said she wanted to cancel on her friend’s hen party, but the bride wouldn’t consider it.
Posting on Reddit, she explained ‘A close relative of mine is in hospital dying of cancer right now and has been given days to live. He is my family’s only priority right now and we are all devastated, he is suffering awfully and we spend our days in the hospital almost waiting for him to be put out of his misery.
‘On Saturday I am supposed to be attending my best friends hen party. I am the bridesmaid and have arranged it all with the other bridesmaid. This has been tough as bride is expecting a lot and her family attending have no money to attend (people have complained about the meals costing £30 when this is all they may have to pay for). Some have cancelled and I have lost money because of unpaid deposits.’
She said that the party would be drinks at a friend’s house, a meal out and then clubbing to keep the costs down.
The bridesmaid said that given her current situation, she really wasn’t in the mood.
She added: ‘I in no way want to attend, I can’t think of anything worse right now than hosting a group of 14 guests and acting happy when I’ve spent the last week crying, and spending my evening in a club full of drunk people.’
But when she spoke to the bride, she didn’t get a great reception.
She said: ‘I’ve called bride tonight to try to hint I may not be able to attend and hoped she’d understand. She lost her dad a few years ago to cancer, she knows the impact it has. She was supportive in the conversation but also said as long as I’ve organised and attend the hen, then she’s happy.
‘She’s not even considering the possibility of me not attending. My boyfriend and family think she is being ridiculous, and I am getting annoyed that she won’t openly give me the option to do whatever I need to do. I don’t want to let her down as she means a lot to me, but I am in no position to support her and her party right now.’
She asked Reddit what they thought she should do. Most agreed that she needed to sit down and spell out exactly how she feels.
One poster said: ‘Please tell her plainly that you are emotionally exhausted and grieving, and that, while you love and support her, you just can’t attend her party. If she is a good friend, she will be disappointed but understanding. If she pitches a fit, then you’ve got a bridezilla. Stand your ground and take care of yourself.’
Another poster shared a similar experience: ‘I went through something similar last week. I told the bride I could not attend for many reasons (my own health, a family member being diagnosed with cancer, finances, r hour drive) and she was everything but supportive. She gave me the silent treatment for hours then proceeded to tell me she’s “tired of excuses”. She gave me an ultimatum pretty much and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s sad because I’m having a really hard time and I have no support from her.
‘Weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes.’
The poster updated the thread to say she would speak to the bride and explain exactly why she didn’t want to go.
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