Big T-shirt ponytail gf, goth gf and all the other memeable girlfriends you can have

Such is the appeal of the goth gf

‘Your boyfriend’ jokes are a perennial source of joy for large swathes of the Twitter-using population.

All you need to do is make fun of the fictional boyfriends of the internet who love Tame Impala, are centrists, and nearly got into Berghain once. Easy.

The girlfriends of the internet, however, are somewhat more complicated, with gf memes falling into a vast number of – often very niche – subsets.

As with many memes, a lot of gf jokes originated from sites like 4chan, Reddit, and 9gag, and thus often have a strange (and sometimes misogynist) type of humour about them.

Many gfs or wannabe gfs have taken on the memes as their own, however, and are proclaiming that they’re proud to be part of these subcultures. But what are these subcultures that people are #relatinghard to?

Big T-shirt ponytail gf

The current gf du jour is one with a ponytail who wears a big T-shirt.

She is wholesome, loves brunch and the thrift store, and carries a big purse. She bridges the gap between carer and lover, and always has a supply of cereal bars and wet wipes.

It’s thought that this iteration of gf was invented by @prophethusband on Twitter this year. Hope she sees it, bro.

Goth gf

Perhaps the most well-known of all the gfs is the goth gf, who can also come in the form of a ‘big titty goth gf’ or ‘small titty goth gf’.

It’s thought to have come about on Tumblr in 2014 when a user posted about his gf, saying ‘bb ur hands r so cold’, to which his goth girlfriend replies ‘that me soul.’

It really took off, however, when a pet bird called Kiwi got a goth gf called Siouxsie, and the internet  flipped out, seeing just how wonderful the love of a good goth woman could be.

Since then, you’ll see many an account with the ‘goth gf’ moniker.

Aborted gf

Let’s step into the surreal with this one, as the aborted gf meme started life as a genuine and earnest picture posted to the prolife subreddit.

The idea was that a perfect gf could have existed in the world, and would cook you hot meals and – weirdly – be ‘like twins’ with you.

However, there is no gf, because she was cruelly aborted by her plan-having mum. Naturally, it blew up and the aborted gf took on a new, much funnier, existence. It’s a pretty good way for sad dudes to blame women (even those that don’t exist) for the fact they have no friends and can’t eat a vegetable, though.

Clown college gf

Down the rabbit hole we go, folks. This girlfriend wears clothes as bright as Ronald McDonald, has the chutzpah of Krusty, and bears the heady optimism of Mr Tumble (there aren’t that many famous, non-creepy clowns for me to reference here).

That’s right, she’s at clown college, and she brings the myriad perks that come with it. Hope you like honking.

Spider gf

If you’re looking for a gf who will reply :::) to your :), look no further.

Spider gf will embrace you in her web overnight, and your babies will infiltrate houses across your neighbourhood.

Be careful she doesn’t tickle you with her eight hairy legs, though. Or eat you.

Buying gf

The most successful romancers in the popular MMPORG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game), Runescape, were those who had a lot of money and could buy partners.

Whether these prized in-game gfs were actually who they said they were mattered not. If you could find a companion for whom you could sell meat and cowhides and buy diamond rings, that was what was important.

Club Penguin/Minecraft gf

On the topic of virtual partners, many people have also been talking about their gfs from Minecraft, Club Penguin, and other online games.

They taught us love (or possibly being lightly groomed), loss, and most importantly, materialism.

Whoever had more items and more availability of being online was the hottest property. Those of us whose parents wouldn’t fork out for upgrades lost out… And that hurt still lingers.

Depressed gf

It’s no secret that mental illness is fetishised in women, with men across Tinder looking for girls with ‘daddy issues’ or some other horrifying thing they find sexy because they watched a Tarantino film once.

Thankfully, the depressed gf trope is one that women don’t need men to prescribe to them.

Instead, we can all lay in bed being sad babies and doing sheet masks as self care and no longer feel bad about it. In fact, ‘depressed gf’ is now our whole personality – even when single – and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Also don’t ever hit on us again.

TFW no gf

Ouch, right in the feels.

Popularised by guys on forums sad that they were going to be ‘forever alone’, it means ‘that feel[ing] when [I have] no girlfriend’ and is now said in a mostly ironic way.

It’s often accompanied this a picture of the ‘know that feel’ guy, and followed by an oddly specific way they’d like their ideal gf to be.

Those who TFW no gf unironically are normally dragged, which makes sense given nobody owes you anything. If you have no gf, go out there and hang out at the ponytail and big T-shirt store until someone takes a shine to you, instead of crying about it online.

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