Come on, don’t be shy – who will go with the home secretary, Sajid Javid, to get the tattoos done? He wants “Revoke” across one set of knuckles and “Citizenship” across the other.
If you don’t fancy that, how about holding LGBT people down for the former work and pensions secretary, Esther McVey, while she steals their lunch money (and school sex-education rights)? Or cheering on Dominic Raab, or other Leave-ticket hopefuls, as they spit on the ground, offering to deliver Brexit by cage-fighting naked with the EU?
If all that seems preposterous, look again at the Tory leadership contest, where some contenders resemble a parade of posing bodybuilders, grunting away on tiny podiums, showing off their well-honed illiberal musculature, as if to growl: “Vote for me. Look, how hard I am – how pitiless and nasty. I’d drop-kick anyone while they’re down.”
Amid the relentless pro-Brexit-cacophony, McVey observed the Birmingham parents protesting about LGBT awareness lessons and declared that parents should decide what sex education their children receive while simultaneously criticising them for protesting. (Well played for the Tory membership – family values and stifling dissent.)
Javid trumped that with his stance on 19-year-old “jihadist bride” Shamima Begum (whose three-week-old baby, her third to die, succumbed to pneumonia in a Syrian refugee camp). Her family accused Javid of “human fly-tipping” for ruling she should go to Bangladesh (where she would face the death penalty) and believe that he cynically deprived her of her UK citizenship to “further [his] personal political objective of being prime minister”.
Whatever people think of Begum or her plea to return to the UK, this assessment of Javid as a tireless Westminster schemer, who sleeps with one eye open, trained permanently on 10 Downing Street, rings a bell, with the caveat that it could apply to several of those conspicuously engaged in the Tories’ bizarre patented style of “macho-meets-retro” campaigning that arguably insults not just the intelligence of parliamentary colleagues and the membership, but also the average dishcloth.
Some might say it would be naive to expect anything else with a leadership contest underway, that politicos are bound to be in perma-audition mode. However, when you look at Javid and others, it seems that beyond the leadership contests it’s just their ambitious default, their careerist factory setting. That’s why they’re never attending properly to their duties or consciences – they’re too busy endlessly auditioning for each other, their memberships and, finally, voters, in Javid’s case, with the kind of dated tough-boy posturing that would embarrass a key stage 1 bully in a school sandpit.
The next time you spot a politico spouting anachronistic drivel with what they fondly imagine to be a steely glare, the question isn’t: “Who are you trying to impress?” but, rather: “When are you going to stop?”
The sickest will pay the highest price for fewer GP surgeries
The medical website Pulse reports that UK GP surgery closures are at a record high, with 138 premises closing in 2018, compared with 18 in 2013, affecting more than half-a-million patients. Smaller surgeries, serving 5,000 patients or fewer, were worst affected (86% of closures), with many merging to survive where they could. (NHS England disputes Pulse’s findings but recognises an increase in GP contract closures.)
Along with another story about measures planned to deter people from going to accident and emergency, there seems to be a recurring trend for anything face to face on the NHS frontline being recalibrated or downsized. If the underfinanced, overstretched NHS keeps hurtling towards a dystopian future at this rate, we’ll soon all be watching on video links as medical staff show us how to splint our broken limbs with bent coat hangers. Similarly, it can’t be long before women receive the exciting news that, henceforth, Amazon delivery staff will be performing smear tests, but only if they’re signed up to Prime.
Ostensibly, there seems nothing wrong with shutting a GP surgery if another is nearby, but is this always the case? For some people with major health or transport difficulties, the new practice may not be close enough or too full to take them. The GP changes seem to be from a healthy patient’s perspective – people like myself who, touch wood, would go a handful of times a year at most. It should be from a sick person’s perspective – people who need to see GPs frequently and need them to be very close and reliable.
GP surgery closures, and fewer GPs, aren’t just about inconvenience – there are also heightened socioeconomic, psychological and emotional factors.
Kit Harington still has much to look forward to
Kit Harington, who played Jon Snow in Game of Thrones, is recovering from reported stress and alcohol issues at a Connecticut clinic. The last series of GoT was, ahem, disappointing (I’m being polite – it stank so bad I had to watch it with the window open). There’s also a humiliating clip going around of Harington sozzled, playing pool in a bar, which seems very mean-spirited.
Let’s hope this isn’t full-blown depression, more a reaction to a disorienting life change. Harington, 32, was young when he was cast as Snow; as much as he’s now over-identified with the role, he’d have over-identified with it too. At the end, it could have felt like leaving a family.
However, there’s an upside. Harington may be as typecast as a soap actor, but at least he will have been handsomely paid. With no financial pressure, he can take all the time he needs to get well, then perhaps consider indie roles to redefine himself.
Alternatively, find something different to do – or just chill in his pants in a lilo-chair and eat ice pops. I’m not making light of Harington’s suffering, just wishing him a full and speedy recovery. One winter has gone, to be replaced by another – but warmer weather is just around the corner.
• Barbara Ellen is an Observer columnist
